Dear God,

Ever since I got to learn about you as a child on my mother’s lap, I grew to love you among all “beings”. For a while I couldn’t understand how I could ever love you more than I did my children or my parents but with time, experience, heartbreak and suffering you taught me the reality and placing you first in my life.

For a long while everything was going badly for me. My life was one long series of regrets. Nothing seemed worthwhile to me any more. Discouragement had completely paralysed me. I refused to fight back anymore, feeling I no longer had the upper hand.

I was discouraged because I put all my trust in my own efforts. 13 years ago I learned to place my trust in you. True, I still felt regret for my failings but I stopped being discouraged. I learnt that discouragement is clear proof that I placed too much confidence in myself and too little in you, too, too little in you.

During these 13 years life hasn’t been easy. What with going along life’s long path alone as a widow, coping with my children’s problems, tension at work in St Luke’s Hospital, demanding people wanting the earth in my position as a local councillor in Valletta – life was one long series of tension headaches.

Still there was always you beside me, you the underrated, the underestimated, because mystifying as it is, some people seem to think one is a nerd if one talks about you a lot. Discussing “you” among my friends brings forth a look that seems to be wondering whether I “am there” in my emotional involvement with you.

Maybe I hurt others when I categorically condemn them for their lack of faith but I know my arguments are absolutely tenable, you see. I hate it when they blame you for every disaster that hits them. If a marriage breaks up it’s your fault, if they lose their job it’s your fault, if a son or daughter turns to drug addiction it’s your fault.

Even where illness is concerned, I will not believe that it has anything to do with you. Bodies get ill because of the ambience we live in, the environment we live in, the stench of petrol, diesel and a thousand other objects that make the body succumb to disease.

My dear God, on 20 January the person I hold nearest and dearest to my heart, my beautiful mother, had to go through major surgery and though my inhibiting fears nearly overcame me to the point breaking down in hopeless tears, I know you were beside me all the time.

While she was being operated upon, a picture of the past flashed through my mind. Me as a child playing with other kids at Upper Barrakka Gardens in Valletta, other mums sitting afar talking about their daily routine while my beloved mum was sitting just a few feet from where I was playing so that she could protect me from any danger that might have befallen me.

The day of the operation “you” were there for me just as you always were, just as you will always be through happy times and sad.

I take this opportunity to thank all the staff at WS1 for the loving care and devotion they showed towards my mum. My message to you God is that I know love comes from you and leads infallibly back to you. My thanks go specifically to you who showed me to live one day at a time. Thank you for teaching me that yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not mine but to live for today.

Valerie Borg

Valletta