From Mrs M. Mallia

Having read the article by Daphne Caruana Galizia titled “They’re soldiers not girl guides” (TMIS, 6 February), and being the spouse of a member of the Armed Forces of Malta, it seems that apologies are in order.

First of all, let me humbly apologise to Ms Caruana Galizia for the fact that my husband has miserably failed in his calling to die in the line of duty. It should be noted, however, that he is far from being alone in this blatant dereliction of duty. One notes, for instance, the sheer arrogance of the Bomb Disposal Unit, who insist on regularly disarming unstable Second World War ordinance safely rather than disappearing in a large explosion together with a few hapless civilians. And what about those pilots, who regularly fly search and rescue missions in the worst conditions imaginable, yet stubbornly refuse to go down spectacularly in flames? It seems that even a simple mission, like evacuating a premature baby from Gozo General Hospital, presents insurmountable difficulties when it comes to offering a fiery ending.

No less heinous are the actions of those soldiers who took three relief convoys to Kosovo, the most heavily mined real estate on earth, yet were incapable of driving over one of those mines in order to provide an appropriately glorious conclusion to the mission. Needless to say, the soldiers who provided assistance to the Maltese people during the worst episodes of flooding also fudged their task which, in all fairness, was to drown in an appropriately military manner.

Those men who take their patrol craft out to sea are no better. Although they actually manage to tear themselves away from their mothers’ apron strings, their record in disappearing beneath the waves with flags proudly flying leaves a lot to be desired. One would think that a couple of severe storms would have done the trick. The list of incompetence continues, soldiers guarding sensitive buildings and foreign warships in harbour are unable to get gunned down by a wayward terrorist. Others, carrying out vehicle checkpoints, have neglected to stand tall and proud while some person of nefarious intent shoots them in the chest with an illegal weapon.

Yet all is not doom and gloom. In their day-to-day duties, the morale of the men and women of the AFM is buoyed by a shining example of self-sacrifice and courage, none other than Ms Caruana Galizia herself. Locked in mortal combat with the keyboard of her word processor, she fights to churn out the reams of drivel which we have all come to know and love. When they ask – will the authorities see the light, recognise her military brilliance and hand over the reins of the forces of order for the steady guidance of her hand? Only then can she show all the other nations of the world their immense folly, and promptly dissolve the armed forces. Or maybe not. After all, with friends like her, who needs enemies?

Michelle Mallia

MOSTA