The US presidential race – Will Monica or Winston win?

Winston Churchill, some 42 years after his death, played a little cameo role in US politics recently. With George Dubya either unwilling or unable to make his mark during his last year in office, all political attention has become focused on the main candidates for next year’s presidential election – i.e. the Wicked Witch of Whitewater Hillary Clinton, the good-looking black man Barack Obama, both for the Democrats, and the 9/11 hero of New York – Rudy Giuliani for the Republicans.

Now of course we already know that Hillary has got her husband, the saxophonist and ex-draft dodger cum US President Bill ‘Dick’ Clinton batting for her – and that is pretty important given the number of half-witted US voters who somehow still think that he was a good president.

We also know that handsome Barak has managed to get the influential Botox lipped queen of American mindless TV Oprah Winfrey calling on all black Americans and fast food, fat couch ridden, white women to back “her favourite guy”.

But in the last couple of weeks a few new events have stirred the political pot a little. Firstly, rumour has it that a bombshell could explode in the US media any day. Apparently, another bevy of plump ex-employees are lining up to report on “Dick’s” preference for non-penetrative sex. So we might yet again be subjected to a small army of tubby girls waving stained little black dresses and attempting to sell their stories to one of Rupert Murdoch’s stinky little publications.

Secondly, that champagne socialist black human rights activist, who is the living embodiment of the wisdom of that saying “empty vessels make the most noise”, the amazing veteran comedian Rev. Jesse Jackson has accused poor old Obama of behaving like a white man. This is hardly going to endear the latter to the black vote that certainly don’t want, according to Jacko, an “Uncle Tom” kind of president. Perhaps, this is because dashing Barak just might unify whites and blacks and so presumably put “Jumping Jack Flash” and his pals out of business?

In the meantime, Rudy Giuliani is quietly consolidating his position in his effort to win the Republican nomination. Recently, he was in London where both the grinning Cheshire cat Tony Blair and the Fat Controller from Scotland lined up to be photographed with the “hero of 9/11”.

More importantly, he went out of his way to wrap himself in the legacy of Winston Churchill and was delighted to receive a special award from the US’ favourite non-American – Margaret Hilda Thatcher.

Ironically, Churchill and Thatcher remains a bill-topping act in the US. So a better week for him than the two warring Democrats. The late British Prime Minister Harold Wilson once said that a week was a long time in politics. He was right and there is now less than a year until the 2008 election.

Worse luck for those rather woolly headed liberal Hillary devotees who live in St Paul’s Square, Mdina and can’t wait to see the Wicked Witch of Whitewater fly into the White House on her broomstick. Sorry guys – but it might not happen. Much could still depend on Dick’s zipper control.

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Well done you

It has been said by some that my messages from around the world to the folk back in Malta are all too critical of everyone and contain little praise for anyone. So in an effort to prove that I’m not just a grumpy old git I have listed a few recent events that have earned my admiration.

Well done Angela Merkel, the ugly German Chancellor, and unpopular US President George Bush for having the guts to meet the Dalai Lama, the exiled Tibetan leader, despite threats from China of the consequences if they did. Usually it is only Prince Charles who has the balls to incur the Peking Mafia’s wrath in this respect.

Well done all those Buddhist monks who have shown unbelievable bravery in leading demonstrations against the Burmese government. Given the murderous brutality of this military regime and its total disrespect for human life, the action of these clerics was very courageous.

Well done the Wildlife Protection society of India for embarking on a project to create a haven for their national animal. Tigers, whose numbers have dropped to 1,300 – a fall of around 70 per cent since the mid 1980s – are in serious danger of becoming extinct in the next decade unless something is done.

Well done Monsieur Francois Fillon, the French Prime Minister, for telling French farmers something they should have been told 50 years ago – namely that they are over subsidised, spoilt and greedy and should learn to live in the real world.

Well done British Tory leader David Cameron and his party for finally getting their message across and giving decent people in Britain the hope that the end of corrupt government by the ghastly crooks that control the Labour Party might be more than a dream.

And well done police officers in Zimbabwe for protecting a giraffe that wondered by accident into a Harare suburb and was about to be slaughtered by a starving crowd who haven’t eaten meat for months due to President Robert Mugabe’s appalling economic mismanagement.

My dear friends in Harare, if you are that hungry throw your president in the pot instead. He might not taste too good but just think about life without him.

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A crazy world viewed from a beach in Oman

I’ve written to you in the last few months from Bombay, London, Paris, Como, Athens, Cairo and occasionally the wonderful Mdina. But this particular page was put together on a deserted beach in Oman watching my young son play. The scene is so tranquil that it magnifies the crazy world around us. I think of Malta as a good Christian safe haven in these heathen times, but then remember that it is Britain and Italy that are reputed to exert most influence over here.

In Italy, “organised crime” has been officially recognised as the country’s biggest business with extortion, loan-sharking, drugs and prostitution now commanding an annual turnover of £63 billion, which is seven per cent of the country’s economy and makes it twice the size of international giant Fiat.

In Britain, where nine-year-olds run their own mafia, a couple who have successfully fostered 28 children over several years are to be forced to resign and hand over an 11-year-old they have brought up for the last two years because as Christians they cannot sign up to New Labour’s new Sexual Orientation Regulations. This would mean having to explain to children as young as 11 that gay partnerships were as acceptable as heterosexual marriages.

The couple point out that they would never discriminate against anybody but cannot promote an act against the word of God. In Britain, where there is a chronic shortage of foster parents, when Labour’s political correctness goes marching on, common sense, humanity and plain old fashioned goodness go out of the window. Did Labour ever stop to consider the child here? Please, socialist dogma never allows for individuals especially those that can’t fight back.

My advice to Malta is just stay Maltese. I wish Britain was still the land of my childhood.

howardexhumedinnocent@

btinternet.com