Here is a tiny selection of some of the extraordinary facts of 2007:
10. Heather Mills McCartney wasn’t sectioned under the Mental Health Act.
9. Benazir Bhutto was stupid enough to condemn Islamic extremists in her speeches and then ride around with her head poked out of a sunroof. Would you do that in Pakistan? No, nor would I.
8. Pakistani political thinking is so democratic that when his mother was assassinated her party acquiesced to her wishes and elected 19-year-old Bilawal Bhutto as their new leader – seems more like a monarchy to me, which is of course great if we were talking of a royal family. However, Mrs Bhutto was supposedly the leader of a political party and not a royal dynasty. And so the method of choosing the leader as well as his qualifications to do the job must be at the least questionable. Especially as the future of Pakistan is no laughing matter because it houses both some of the most dangerous weapons and men in the world. Put them together and the whole globe could be in serious trouble. We might yet regret not giving President Pervez Musharraf a little more understanding in these difficult times and, dare I say this is not the sort of political baptism a 19-year-old should be asked to face for his or anybody else’s good.
7. Hillary Clinton, known as the Witch of Whitewater to most New Yorkers, remained popular enough in 2007 to still have a chance of being elected President of the United States in 2008. God help us all if she becomes President and Pakistan falls into the wrong hands.
6. The waste of British public money on a coroner’s inquest into the deaths of Diana, Princess of Wales and Dodi Al Fayed 10 years after the event. It was always quite clear that the tragedy – as described in my book Charles the Man Who Will Be King – was nothing more than an accident caused by the drunken driving of Henri Paul, their chauffeur and the employee of the fantasist conspirator Mohammed Al Fayed. However, in order to please all of those very ignorant men and women who read rather silly publications like Britain’s Daily Express and still think of Diana as a saint rather than a manipulative liar and who still believe, despite all the evidence, that the couple were murdered by MI6, millions of pounds from the public purse have been totally wasted. However, there is no excuse whatsoever for pandering to the lunatics who see Diana as some kind of 21st century Snow White who was bumped off on the orders of a wicked Duke of Edinburgh. Moreover, the waste is made all the worse as these imbeciles will never accept any verdict other than the one they want to hear.
5. Among European leaders Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, didn’t have plastic surgery; Fat Controller Gordon Brown managed to become Britain’s most comical character since Benny Hill while Little Emperor Nicky Sarkozy Bonaparte of France repeatedly proved that small Frenchmen are as vain as they are trivial.
4. American Time Magazine named midget mass murderer Vladimir Putin as “Man of the Year”. Quite amazing!
3. European leaders, such as our own Dr Gonzo, were prepared to sit at the same table as Robert Mugabe and thus legitimise his atrocities.
2. The Bush administration in the US continued to demand that the rest of world should respect it as the world leader and yet continued to refuse to lead in matters of climate change because of outrageous self-interest. Until the US pulls its weight in such matters it does not deserve to be looked up to by any of us.
1. The bravery and selfless courage of those Burmese Buddhist monks who were slaughtered by the thousands because they protested against perhaps the most tyrannical and cruel government in the world. They went to their deaths for what they believed in safe in the knowledge that the rest of the world wouldn’t lift a finger to help them.
Britain shaped today’s world – please god it doesn’t the next
Unless you are very poorly educated or very prejudiced or both, you will realise that the British more than any other nation shaped today’s modern world. They invented just about everything from the police to penicillin during a brilliant period that lasted nearly 300 years. With an exceptional stranglehold on 18th and 19th century military and naval excellence, which first subjugated the French and then the Germans, they introduced a large percentage of the world to democracy, justice, stability, sound government, health care, workable railways and a more than reasonable sense of decency through a concoction of British Victorian middle class values and kindly Christian teachings.
As a result, they built the world’s largest empire. It was an empire that became famous for the fact that it was so big that the sun never set upon it. Even by the time of its demise at the end of the Second World War, this empire still boasted over 800 million subjects, which was then about a quarter of the world’s population, and had more than one and a half million men under arms to protect it. The fact that most nations included in the largest ever empire remain members of the British Commonwealth today, as Malta does, is a testament to both its social legacy and the desire to be associated with such values.
This is because along the way the British became as revered for their sense of justice and fair play as they were for their power. They never seemed to doubt that they were doing God’s work and that he loved them and their “green and pleasant land” more than any other. And it seemed that most people, with the exception of the Irish, perhaps grudgingly agreed. This brand of Britishness was apparently next to godliness and that, as much as their military might, seemed to give them a moral high ground to lecture the rest of the world about civilisation or the lack of it.
The British 18th century Industrial Revolution placed the nation light years ahead of its European neighbours economically and its empire allowed it to trade, often very advantageously, across the world. Competitors were forced to watch, admire and do their best to emulate without any realistic chance of rivalling them.
Even in sport, which became of increasing interest over this period, the British were inventing and then dominating. Football, cricket, tennis, rugby, golf, squash, badminton were, among other sports, all invented by the British and it was them who then produced the champions. Moreover, sailing and skiing were but mere modes of transport until the British started racing each other.
So for around 300 years the British ruled the waves and large parts of the globe’s land mass and during this period they shaped the world’s civilised, economic, military, social and even sporting skills. Therefore, it is safe to say that no other nation influenced the shape of today’s modern world as much as them.
And when the British Empire was bankrupt and her people exhausted it was not through the excesses of a moral decline, which had plagued so many previous empires, but from defending, and for a two year period on its own, the world from the wicked cruelness of German and Italian fascism during the Second World War. This only served to boost Britain’s image, both at home and abroad, as a nation of the highest moral standing – one to be totally respected and even more so, as it no longer had to be feared.
Naturally, like all empires the British Empire was far from perfect and many of today’s liberals would simply condemn the very idea of colonialism anyway. However, that wasn’t the thinking of anyone when it was established and it was, at worst, an achievement that every other country would have liked to emulate but none could.
My God, have you noticed what has happened since? Today Britain tops just about every despicable league table in the developed world. Please God don’t allow this once great nation to lead the world into its own cesspit of decedent and hypocritical cycle of godless rubbish as led by their useless Fat Controller Gordon Brown.
It would be better if Britain could just stop now and be remembered for Horatio Nelson, Winston Churchill and even Margaret Thatcher rather than the scum who manage the scum of Britain today.
And if you think I’m exaggerating ask yourself why decent British citizens are leaving its shores by the millions.
Come on Dr Gonzo – Tell me, can you put your toe in the water?
My youngest son received lots of very generous Christmas presents. However, his clear favourite was a large cuddly dog complete with puppies, whom we immediately called Dr Gonzo Dog and his Do Da Band – after Malta’s revered Prime Minister and his ever so squeaky clean government. Are we guilty of doing “a Mohammed the teddy bear” I wonder? Will the local constabulary be sent to arrest us? Could we receive 40 lashes each in Bastion Square, Mdina? Probably not because although the Maltese government may be arrogant and contemptuous of any criticism, it isn’t led by a mob of Islamic lunatics.
Either way you may recall that on 25 November 2007 I wrote in this column that I wanted to launch a regeneration programme for Valletta with good old Gonzo’s support. On 10 December I received a reply from HRH Gonzo, which stated that Doggy – sorry Gonzo – had received my letter. But that’s as far as it went. Thank you oh great one!
But, eh please good Lord Great Dog are you going to help or not? I’m afraid I can’t offer you the financial inducements that some developers might offer your government but my suggestions might just help save one of the most beautiful cities in Europe and give a lift to its impoverished people. I’m looking forward to a more enlightened reply eventually.
Can you oblige or are you too busy having tea with people like Robert Mugabe?
Santa Claus get well soon
I haven’t been a great fan of Dr Santa Claus and his Amateur Dramatic Party in the past and I am unlikely to be one in the future either. However, I was very sorry to hear of Dr Santa’s illness so, Sir, may I wish you a speedy recovery and a good 2008.
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