As I was zapping away on Sunday, I was rather taken aback to see Lawrence Gonzi practically banging on the podium as he delivered his closing speech at the Nationalist Party’s general council. For someone who won an election a couple of months ago, the guy sure did look angry.

I really can’t understand why he was working himself up into such a state. Is something wrong? Is there something he’s not telling us? Did he work so hard to get himself re-elected only to find that he’s landed in a pile of, uhm, manure?

More importantly, where has the cheerful Gonzi we saw on those billboards not so long ago, gone to? He looked haggard, his jowls seem to be sagging by the minute, and the bags under his eyes need some serious attention. May I suggest some RevitaLift Double Eye Lift by L’Oreal?

Because Lawrence, you’re worth it.

Not so funny

And then, a couple of days later, there Dr Lawrence Gonzi was, attempting to be his usual, affable self on Dissett. At least he looked more refreshed this time – and the camera stayed back at a much kinder distance.

A mere two months into this administration, someone (Gordy perhaps?) felt that the Prime Minister needed to be on the national station explaining himself to the people. Reno Bugeja was great, asking the kind of questions we are all asking (I just love his quiet, knowing smile and that look of injured innocence when the interviewee starts getting hot under the collar).

Dr Gonzi did his best, but the bonhomie is now wearing thin. He resorted to his usual wily, lawyerly technique of answering a question with another question, trying to use good-humoured reason to dispel all the doubts Reno was expressing on behalf of viewers about how the government has behaved in its first few months in office. That smooth, reassuring manner (“don’t worry children, Papa is here to take care of everything”) almost manages to convince you, until Gonzi starts with that forced laugh again.

You see, it’s the nervous chuckle that gives the PM away. Have you ever noticed how he laughs mid-sentence when there’s nothing remotely funny in what he’s saying? Gonzi’s laughter is often used as a defence mechanism to mask his discomfort. At other times it comes across more like a condescending snigger, especially when he follows it with a heaving, patient sigh as if were dealing with an idiot who needs things explained to him slowly.

Meanwhile, in our living rooms, as we hear about the gloom and doom we are about to face, most of us are wondering what the heck is so blinking funny.

And can I finally say something that has been irritating me since the campaign: can we please stop hearing this fatuous use of the phrase “deal or no deal”? It’s really an insult to our

intelligence.

It’s good to be the king

We’ve just been informed that those who lost their ministerial post, either because they were not re-elected or because Gonzi passed them over, will now be compensated for loss of income.

How nice, how thoughtful, how generous. But hold on, that’s coming out of our taxes, isn’t it? If Gonzi wants to play Santa Claus, he should do it out of the PN’s coffers, not those of the

country.

What really gets my goat is that there are those who twist themselves into a pretzel to justify something like this. Why do people find it so hard to admit that “their” party is doing something wrong – why do we need to get so defensive? If it’s a

stupid move or decision, it’s stupid no matter who is responsible.

He’s b-a-a-ck

Now, now, don’t blame us if we keep harping on about Jeffrey Pullicino (apparently he’s dropped the Orlando – maybe it’s back in Florida).

It’s not our fault if he decided to rehash the whole Mistra mess by placing on the table of the House a whole set of blueprints showing exactly how the disco he knows nothing about is going to look.

Well, I am sure glad he has cleared that up once and for all. I’m fully convinced he did nothing wrong – why, aren’t you?

Cheerio, Joe

He was useful in his way, but now he’s moving on. Mark my words, however – despite all the rhetoric, there will be plenty of Nationalists who will be glad to finally see the back of Joe Saliba.

After all darling, he was never really one of “us”, was he?

Lucky to be alive

I saw a statement recently where it was pointed out that this spring a change has been noticed in birds’ behaviour.

Gee, maybe it’s because they are – I don’t know – ALIVE?!

Forget the economy…

What we really should be focusing on is Morena’s upcoming performance at the Eurovision. I have to say that not since Ira Losco have we had a singer who can make you forget she’s singing a silly song and simply mesmerise you with her sheer beauty and performance.

So come on, this is crucial, folks; our national pride hinges on this. Prayers, candles, vows and multiple recitals of the rosary are kindly solicited.

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