Family Court mediators told a public consultation meeting of parliament’s social affairs committee that in the majority of cases, it is too late for reconciliation between couples seeking separation.

The set-up of the Family Court was definitely a step in the right direction, but there is still room for vast improvement. What mediators essentially told the committee is that first of all, proceedings should have a time-frame to be completed, so as to minimise the trauma on all – particularly children who become involved.

Another point which was put forward was that the role of children in proceedings should be strengthened, and, in addition, something has to be done to make the whole ordeal easier for them to deal with. This is all true.

But there is another aspect to all this. When couples enter such proceedings, it is actually hard to tell who is more mature; the bickering wife and husband, or the children themselves.

It is not uncommon during such proceedings to see one, or both of the ‘adults’ lie through their back teeth – conjuring up horror stories that only have a kernel of truth to them.

It is actually the children themselves – if freed from the oppression of having to take sides – who can give a true picture of what is going on.

Unfortunately, while Malta has changed in the way children are dealt with in family circles, when it comes to authorities, they are still approached with the “children should be seen and not heard” mentality. This is a fundamental mistake. While parents are free to literally get on with their lives and go and build a relationship (and possibly have more children) with a different partner, children are left scarred for life.

This scarring carries on into adulthood and can affect both their character development, as well as their ability to build and sustain meaningful relationships with a partner. This often stems from the fact that the authorities think they know what is best for the children when children often have a very good idea of what is going on themselves and are in complete disagreement with the provisions that the authorities make for them.

While a minor is still a minor – and can often be turned against one of the parents by the other – the majority of cases are not like that at all. Children should be listened to more and their wishes should really be given more weight when it comes to custody and visitation rights. While an adult judge is well poised to see if a child has been ‘poisoned’ against one of the parents, it should never, ever, have the right to send a child to visit a parent if it is against the child’s wishes. This is harmful and seriously impacts the child’s future development. What the mediators did say is that social workers should be more readily available for the children to be able to give an honest appraisal of their own suffering, as well as to minimise their trauma by having someone impartial who can guide them through.

And there is another issue. While it is true that spouses should attend family counselling, there is a saying – you can only lead a horse to water, but you cannot force it to drink. The Family Court really should evaluate where and when there is a possibility of reconciliation. It is useless to put children and parents through the stress of trying to patch things up when there is absolutely no chance of matters ever improving. There are many, many children (many of who are now adults), who have been drastically altered in character, outlook and mentality, simply because they have been forced to go through a daily living nightmare of living in a dysfunctional family that never has a hope of being ‘whole’. One would say that the lesser of the two evils would be to call it quits and allow all concerned another chance at happiness – mostly for the children’s sake