What started off as a weekend thrill ended up ruining Alan’s life. His business and his physical and mental health suffered, and relationships slowly soured – until he sought help.

At the age of 21, he was using heroin on a daily basis. “I became numb to everything, drugs were all I thought of – I didn’t even stop to consider the repercussions. I stole from my own family; I lied straight to their faces.”

Alan’s self esteem was at a critically low point, and substance abuse repercussions were only aggravating the situation. “I drove all my friends away; I felt guilty, and I beat myself up about it. The more insecure I felt, the more I craved the drug, but it was destroying me by the minute.”

For a long while, Alan was in a complete state of denial about his addiction. He did feel however, extremely angry at himself for throwing his life away – “I had moments where I wanted to end my life, I thought about it deeply. I had a constant anger inside me; I used to beg God to end my life.”

 Alan spend most of his time alone, drugs became his only companion. His mother found him in the bathroom when he overdosed. He admits he only accepted rehabilitation for his family’s sake the first time round. But it didn’t last long – in just two months, Alan relapsed.

Alan is completely against the bill proposing decriminalisation of cannabis, arguing that what starts off as recreational usage may extend much further, as was his personal case. “It is very easy to want more, to trick yourself into thinking you can control it.”

The road to recovery

After a year, Alan admitted himself willingly. He had reached a point of despair. “I was not living, I was merely existing.”  Staff at Caritas note that being pushed into rehabilitation does not work, individuals need to take the decision themselves of their own free will. Alan does however point out that he is more than grateful to his parents for doing their best to persuade him to seek help.

Alan has now been clean for over six months, and his confidence is bolstered. “Today I am able to take a stand against drugs; I am in control of my own actions. I have my life back, I find joy in the simplest of things, and I believe I am no less than anyone else.”

Shifting perspective plays a key factor. Residents are taught how to get rid of any excess baggage and negative thoughts, so they can have a clearer outlook of their life.

The programme at San Blas is extremely structured, inducing a sense of discipline. Residents at the home are given responsibilities they have to carry out. Today, Alan is extremely proud of his gardening, cooking and maintenance skills.  Eventually, residents are allowed to go out every so often, but all is done gradually. Residents are allowed to send their first letter after 10 days and make their first call after 10 weeks. It is only after four months that they are allowed a visit from their family members. Needless to say, emotions run high.  “Seeing my mother smiling brought tears to my eyes. I have so much to make up for, I’ve made them go through so much, and they still chose to support me. I am well aware this is not the case for all residents. Some have no one waiting for them once they’ve completed the programme.”

Residents participate in several workshops, including drama therapy which allows them to develop their spontaneity and creativity, while building a relationship with their own physical self.

Members at the community become very much like brothers, they can empathise with the downfalls recovery addicts face, and willingly help each other out when in need.

Caritas is often asked about its success rate. However, Alan insists that every passing day in rehab is considered a success.

 

Caritas

Initially, those seeking help first attend outreach sessions at the Caritas centre in Floriana, where users are orientated towards further rehabilitation. After that, they are admitted to the harm reduction centre, where detoxification takes place – this may take up to 12 weeks, depending on the particular individual. Once they are ‘clean’, members enter a nine-month residential programme at San Blas. Caritas then assists graduates as they re-enter society, an ECT representative helps them build their CV and find a job. A support network ensures contact is kept even after a graduate has carried on with their life.  

Caritas also offers assistance to family members affected by the drug addiction.

 

* Name has been changed