Last week I came across a presentation by Joseanne Peregin. Joseanne is the President of the Christian Life Community in Malta and a few years back she had to merge her Catholic beliefs with the fact that her son is gay. Earlier this month, she gave a presentation during an international conference held in Rome on pastoral care with homosexual and trans people.

In her speech she said that never, in her wildest dreams, had she ever imagined that she would be giving a speech to theologians and, even more so, that she would be sharing her experiences as the mother of a gay son.

The son, who is now in his twenties, came out to his mother when he was still 17. “He came out to me via SMS” she explained. “I was driving him home one evening. We were in the car together, so I stopped to read my incoming message. It said: “Ma, I’m gay’. Isn’t that crazy?”

After the initial shock, Joseanne went into typical denial and tried to convince her son that it was just a phase. But her son, who had known about his sexuality for years, stopped her in her tracks and explained that it certainly was not a phase. He then told her that he had written a letter for her to read when she got home, and that it would explain a lot of things and answer a lot of her questions.

Joseanne goes on to explain that, after the initial shock, she soon understood and accepted her son for who he is, but then she became very concerned about what the Church says about homosexuality. “I wanted to unite the two things I love most: my family and my Church. But while my Church refers to my son’s sexuality as ‘intrinsically disordered’, my son refers to my church as ‘judgmental and irrational’.”

Unfortunately, Joseanne is right: the Church’s documents on family life still include appalling phrases such as “living in sin”, referring to cohabitating couples, and “intrinsically disordered”, referring to homosexuals.

Joseanne Peregin: “…oh, how I wish the Bishops would begin this Synod by changing that hurtful phrase!”

Now, unlike Joseanne I am not much of a follower of the Vatican’s doings, and the Church’s opinion on things does not affect me one bit. However, I’m very aware that it affects a lot of people around me so, indirectly, as much as I wish I didn’t, I still end up caring. And this is why, instead of not giving a hoot, I’m secretly rooting for the Vatican’s synod about the family. As far as I can remember, there’s never been such a candid and open approach, not only to family issues but also to what is, essentially, life and reality so who knows, maybe there’s hope after all.

The synod is a two-week meeting of bishops led by Pope Francis and this time around it is focusing on the Church’s teachings on family issues, including marriage, divorce, homosexuality and – low and behold – sex. Unfortunately, after these two weeks the debate will continue in a year’s time and then there will be a further wait until the Pope issues a final document with recommendations. But still, hope burns eternal, and 2000 years later, things seem to be moving, albeit very slowly.

Pope Francis thought it wise to open the synod with a speech by an elderly married couple from Sydney, Australia; Ron and Mavis Pirola explained how sexual attraction was what brought them together 57 years ago and that it was essentially sex that had helped them remain married for 55 years.

Surprised? Can you imagine the reaction of the audience, which was comprised of a group of 200 celibate men who, theoretically, should have no personal experience on such matters? Even though many of them have complained that the Church’s teachings on sexual matters are unrealistic, many were still shocked with this approach because, as British Cardinal Vincent Nichols put it “[sex] is not what bishops talk about mostly”.

Let me just give you an example of the Church’s disconnection with reality: the 1968 encyclical Humanae Vitae is the Vatican’s main document on sex. As expected, it explains the Church’s opposition to artificial contraception via many complex theological arguments and these arguments, in turn, come accompanied by no fewer than 41 footnotes!

By bringing in real live people with real life examples, this synod is intended to get our religious leaders out of their closed theoretical theologian mindsets. But, of course, opposing reactions abound: a group of conservative Catholic groups blasted the approach as “damaging” to the Church. Others said that “…the unqualified welcome of homosexual couples into family and parish environments in fact damages everybody, by serving to normalise the disorder of homosexuality”, and “…the homosexual agenda is forcing its way into schools, universities, workplaces and sports clubs. The last thing families and parishes need is for church leaders to tell them to welcome homosexual couples".

My frank reaction to such nonsense would be simply to tell them to “suck it up and move on”, but for those who still care for the Church’s teachings on the matter, Joseanne Peregin put it a bit more appropriately: “…our church is tired of pompous judgmental statements – it is tired of clashing symbols and empty words – people want to see real people, real testimonies of hope and love, people who listen, who make themselves available and who are ready to offer their time and their friendship,” she said.

So, kudos to you, Pope Francis! Now, for Christ’s sake, make this happen during my lifetime.