A&H: Dealing with grief the natural way

Thursday, 26 February 2015, 10:38 Last update: about 10 years ago

Aromatherapist Marika Fleri speaks to Daniela Allen about how she discovered the world of essential oils while grieving for her father who died suddenly when she was 15 years old.

No one can really understand the pain that comes with death more than those who actually experience the loss of someone dear to them. No matter which way we look at it death brings sadness. There is no consolation. However, Marika believes that holistic therapies such as aromatherapy can assist both the dying as well as those they leave behind.

She speaks about her own personal growth as she continues to channel the pain she felt - and often still feels - towards helping others who have been or who will go through what she went through.

"When I lost my father 20 years ago, my whole world fell apart. My dreams and aspirations crumbled in a span of five minutes," she says. "My family structure disappeared. All that I thought I stood for did not make sense anymore."

Marika was attending college at the time, pursuing a course that would eventually enable her to study medicine. She quit studying. All she wanted to do was stop the world moving. "Times were too tough," she says. "My immunity was also suffering as I was prescribed endless boxes of antibiotics which consequently destroyed my gut flora and my skin. I felt like a 15-year old locked in the body of an 80-year old."

However, after so much pain and grief, Marika started to see a light at the end of what she describes as a dark tunnel. The turning point was almost banal. One morning, while walking past a bookshop, she spotted a book about aromatherapy, a discovery which was to help her turn her life around.

At a time when holistic therapies were almost unheard of in Malta, Marika took to this book and has never looked back since: "I knew right then that that is what I wanted to do. I was completely absorbed by what I was reading and I started to manage all my symptoms using essential oils, even though it was very hard to find them at the time. That is when I started feeling in control again."

Soon after that experience Marika bought all the books she could find on aromatherapy and eventually took a three-year course to qualify as an aromatherapist.

Now well known for her work in this field, she is currently drawn towards helping those who, like herself, have suffered a loss in their life and helping people suffering from terminal illness. Marika feels this is her calling.

"I step in when life is gradually being taken away," she says. "It's a very difficult and personal moment but, when I receive a request from someone who would like some aromatherapy treatment, I go wholeheartedly, and whenever necessary".

Marika belongs to a support group doing voluntary work at Sir Paul Boffa Hospital. Along with her colleagues, she offers aromatherapy support to patients who are going through or who have gone through cancer treatment. Every month the group meets new patients and offers treatments to them for a day. "It is the highlight of my practice at the moment," Marika says.

Treatments for cancer patients can vary between preparing an aromatherapy inhaler, for example, which helps them relax and sleep better at night, to oils that help nourish the skin which may have dried out because of chemotherapy.

Referring to loss and death, Marika describes every moment as carrying a certain amount of loss within it - even the loss of the moment itself - but also potential: "Every breath will not be repeated, it will be replaced by new breaths, therefore a new opportunity and a new beginning."

She describes death as an opportunity, a new start without the shackles of our limited physical body. "Our body might be frail and broken but our spirit is infinite. Death releases the soul and sets it free. I envisage this as an infinite dance together with other souls with whom we have experienced pain and joy throughout our lives.

"Grief, on the other hand, affects people differently and is a personal journey. It takes on many forms and facets and all these have to be dealt with. If they are ignored, they manifest themselves in other symptoms and emotions."

Being a holistic therapist, she looks at the person in his or her entirety. Any issues which have not been dealt with tend to surface during an initial consultation and are factored in when planning aromatherapy treatment.

Through her work, Marika wants to pass on the message that aromatherapy is not simply a beauty enhancing treatment: "It is a treatment with its own merit and it requires professional education. Essential oils can be very dangerous if treatment is administered without the advice of a professional. Each treatment should be tailor-made for the individual."

Marika says that every essential oil has unique chemical constituents which, in turn, have specific therapeutic properties: "It is the aromatherapist's job to identify which essential oils would best suit her client/patient and which method of application would be most effective after a thorough consultation."

A&H: Dealing with grief the natural way

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