Going through puberty is an emotional and personal time of life in which a person discovers him or herself - a period that moulds us into the person we will eventually become.
Some go through harder times than others, and some find the courage to stand up and face the world head on.
Emma is going through a tougher time than most. At a very young age she knew she was different: playing with dolls, going into her mother's wardrobe and trying on clothes. Now some might ask, what's so different about that? Emma is a 6th form female stuck in a man's body, taking the first step to change into who she truly is.
"In primary school I would always play with dolls, hang around with girls and wear a skirt. I used to try on my mum's clothes - it was the little things like, for example, I wouldn't use urinals at school". Deep down, she knew who she was, however couldn't tell the world.
Emma had been adopted from abroad and her parents didn't realise that anything was different at that age and didn't give it particular importance. "Children will be children and sometimes they will try new things. It wasn't all the time. Emma used to play with cars as well so we really didn't bother. Its true she used to try on my clothes, but it was only occasionally," her mother explained. They realised that Emma was different later, when she began to wear make-up and her feminine mannerisms persisted.
There were other issues at school. Emma was bullied: she was called "effeminate" and "girly". She had friends when she was young, who were girls, but as time passed they wanted to "hang out with their own kind, and I wasn't their own kind," Emma said.
"There isn't a specific category that makes a person transgender, not everyone falls within the stereotypical definition and diagnosis and it doesn't mean that they are not," Emma explained.
She spoke to school counsellors but none of them realised that Emma might be transgender. "I always knew that I was in the wrong gender, however - I always felt constrained. I was forced to change in the boys' changing room during PE, and this made me really uncomfortable. I was never allowed in the girls' bathroom, for obvious reasons".
"I never felt the need to 'come out' at school but I was always the feminine one. I was always 'that fag' or 'that gay'."
The situation weighed on Emma. "I have gender dysphoria - I am uncomfortable looking at myself when I wake up, uncomfortable in my own body, uncomfortable showering - and this takes its toll. Seeing something that does not correspond with your brain affects you. I felt worthless, without value, so what was the point of studying. I still deal with this each day. I feel feminine on the inside yet I'm a male on the outside. I feel female, act female, my mannerisms are female but when I look in a mirror, what I see isn't me". However, Emma pressed on, working hard and making her way through school into 6th form.
"It's hard for a parent to accept that their son doesn't feel right in his body. I worry about what the future holds," said her mother. "We don't want her to go out and declare outright and would prefer gradual integration. We have taken a few steps, buying her girls' clothes, etc., but we're taking it step by step, treading very carefully," her mother said.
"I pray that I can one day be a mother who can say 'thank God this has happened', and I try. Like Emma, I sometimes feel depressed and we argue, but I try to be open-minded. Sometimes Emma believes God hates her, but I believe everything happens for a reason."
Emma first came out to her parents, then to the rest of her family, then at school and she is now experimenting with female clothes and make-up, etc. "As for coming out at school, one day I dressed differently and went in. Obviously, people were looking at me, but they looked at me before so nothing really changed. I have a supportive group of friends now. We can discuss the same topics and express ourselves in the same way". Most of Emma's friends are female and she says: "It's true; most females are more sentimental and understanding, so for me it's an easier fit."
A homophobic teacher
One of the most shocking situations Emma mentioned concerned a teacher she once had. "There were tutors who would say something homophobic without realising, such as 'this is so feminine' or 'this is gay' and would turn towards me, but it comes with opening up and expressing yourself."
On one occasion in the classroom, the tutor who was handing out papers turned to her and called her a 'fag' Emma was shocked and appalled yet didn't defend herself. "I remember crying a bit but I wasn't strong enough to stand up for myself."
Where does she see herself in the future? "I see myself having fully made the transition, advocating tolerance in this area. My biggest fear is not finding a job."
Emma explains that she has learnt who her true friends are. "Male or female, it shouldn't make a difference. I am still the same person on the inside and I'm just changing physically to match. My personality isn't changing".
Worrying about the future
Emma's parents raise an interesting issue, their worry for Emma's future. How will society perceive her and how will employers see her?
"This is our biggest worry," her parents said, adding that "her scholastic subjects would probably lead to a profession. It's a very big question mark for us and as parents we worry. Emma is looking for a summer job, but what should she wear: male clothes, female clothes, unisex? There's still a lot for society to do and learn and it's not fair because, ultimately, she's a human being like everyone else. Emma is extremely intelligent yet she doubts herself," says her mother. "I can't reassure her by telling her that, once she has completed her studies, she will be here or there. She has a lot of potential, but it depends on society. I don't know how employers will see her. A lot of Tran's people are self-employed.
"I always tell her to focus on her studies and aim for a better future. Don't try to make the transition too fast, as you can create a barrier for your future. When you're fully equipped to tackle certain things then it's ok. I'm not telling her not to move forward, but just to move slowly and steadily so she won't have as many problems."
Emma needs to be able to support herself out in the world and what worries her mother are the costs of hormone treatment. "Being Trans affects a person's mental health and unfortunately we tend to ignore mental health in Malta, in the sense that if it's something that isn't publicised, then society tends to ignore it. I believe that in the case of trans, the mental health of the person is affected and they should receive the same help from the state as someone with asthma would receive."
Emma feels that society is already rejecting her. "My biggest fear is society rejecting me to the point where I cannot express myself or advocate certain issues I want to advocate."
Worrying about the legal aspect
Emma is on the verge of making the leap to officially change her name but recent events have caused some concern. Like Attard local PN councillor Alex Mangion, Emma's male name was changed when she was brought to Malta. "We had wanted to amend some documents (unrelated to the name change) and there was a problem and we couldn't proceed," said Emma's mother. "The problem seemed to come from the Public Registry and Emma was unable to go through the normal process and different procedures were needed."
It became apparent that Emma does not know enough about the law and she said that more information should be available about the changing of a name and the Gender Identity Act in general.
"The law on gender identity has been passed and this is a positive step, but it wasn't considered properly to ascertain if it discriminates against other groups. I believe it was passed too quickly and it needs tweaking," her mother said.
"Apart from the law, society still needs to be educated, otherwise having the law is irrelevant. These people need to be given the chance to be who they really are in society," Emma's mother continued.
Emma believes that education at a young age is required, through personal and social development. "It's a way of life and not just puberty, sex and drugs. A lot of people believe that being Trans is like being gay, but it's not. What's the difference? The difference is that we feel as if we belong to the opposite sex, she says."
"We are all Gods' creatures," says her mother. "Society frightens me, and I hope it accepts her for who she is."
The name 'Emma' is a pseudonym.