First, ignore all unwanted advice. That goes for this article too if you don't feel like reading, though you're welcome to read it, of course. You're the parent. You decide what to do. You've got a new baby who's on your mind 24 hours a day, demanding attention, needing to be fed, washed, burped, changed, and soothed. That's enough information for your brain to process. The last thing you need is well-meaning or domineering friends, relatives and sundry strangers telling you what to do, how to do it and when. Note that we said unwanted advice. If you want advice, ask for it and use it, but feel free to ignore or refuse it.

All babies look beautiful to their parents - before they're born. When they arrive, it can be a bit of a shock to see those puffy eyes, odd-shaped head, hair where you don't expect it, and bald patches you thought would be covered in curls. A new born's appearance changes rapidly in the first few days. Give your baby a chance to get used to being in the outside world. It'll settle into its real face - the one you dreamed of - soon enough.

Decide if you want to breastfeed and then organise yourself accordingly. If you don't want to breastfeed or can't cope with it, don't feel you have to do it. Breast milk's good for babies, but a calm, unharrassed mother is even better. Some mothers don't have enough milk, some don't have enough time, some don't have enough energy, some just don't want to do it. Don't feel guilty about it. What works best for your baby is what works best for your baby and you.

Sleep as much as you can, whenever you can. Babies sleep for several hours every day but not for long stretches. That'll be your sleep pattern for a few months. Keep to a routine as much as possible, but keep your expectations realistic. No newborn is going to sleep as long as you want to sleep yourself.

Get help if you need it - and mothers of newborns usually do. Accept help when it's offered - a ready-made meal, a round of shopping, looking after older children - anything that takes pressure off you will make your life that much easier. If someone wants to help but doesn't know what to do, don't be shy to ask. It takes longer to go out to buy nappies than it takes to change them. Ask your would-be helper to do the nappy shopping, rather than to change the current one.

Organise night shifts. Waking up every few hours drives the sanest of people round the bend. Be realistic. You can't do this all on your own all the time. There are two parents in the house. Take turns to get up at night. If one of you works full time during the week (and sleeps all night) swap night roles at weekends. That way everyone will get a bit more sleep.

Keep baby changing times as trauma-free as possible. The sudden sensation of being stripped and dabbed at with cool baby wipes can provoke ear-splitting screams. Warm up those baby wipes between your palms before using them and keep a flask of warm water and a pile of soft cloths to hand for emergencies.

Learn baby-soothing tactics.

Baby's fed, burped, washed, changed and still crying blue murder. What have you done wrong? Chances are you've done nothing wrong at all, even though it sounds like you haven't done anything right. A cranky baby might be suffering from colic, discomfort from nappy rash, or pain. If you've eliminated all those possibilities and the crying hasn't stopped, try imitating the sensation of being in the womb by swaddling the baby against your chest and rocking gently.

Don't shut the baby's father out on the grounds that he messes things up. Create a basic routine and stick to it, but let dad get involved. It'll take the strain off you.

Get outside when you can. Going out with a newborn isn't always practical, but even a few minutes outside your home can make you feel good. Taking a breath of air and feeling the sun shine on your face can make you feel normal again.