Social media are like an octopus spreading its tentacles everywhere and reaching everyone wherever they are. Should we be worried?

Parents are concerned about the influence of social media on their children. Uploading a photo or writing a comment and hitting send takes only seconds, but its effect can be devastating. A&H spoke to three adults regarding their relationship with social media and the way it affects their lives. All names have been changed to protect the interviewees' privacy.

Tamara*, 36 years old, married

"Using social media to meet people has opened up a new world to me. I have always been described as the good girl both when I was young at school, and even now as a wife and a mother. I was always happy in my life, I can't deny that, but I also felt that there was something missing, a sort of thrill. Social media sparked that thrill in me.

"I met guys whom I remember from my sixth form days and about whom I used to have dreams at night, but I never had the courage to miss a lecture to meet them in the school canteen. Now that I have found them on social media, I can catch up with them. I must admit that, at times, I spent hours chatting with them. It's true that once you are in front of a monitor you tend to say things that you never dream of saying face to face.

"There is a particular guy with whom I can now say I have a screen-relationship. We chat continuously and, throughout the day, I check my computer continuously to see whether he has messaged or not. At times I am afraid I am becoming an addict but the thrill I feel inside me, knowing that someone out there still finds me attractive, is difficult to resist."

 

Jean*, 22 years old, single

"I have grown up with technology and yes, I can't imagine my life without it. I happen to work in an IT company and so I am surrounded by technology nearly 24/7. I use social media continuously, not only to chat with my friends, but also to tackle work issues and to finalise deals. Nowadays everyone thinks that social media are the most efficient way to settle things, more than emails and definitely much more than using old-fashioned snail mail.

"Regarding sex and relationships, till now I haven't had any opportunities where I sexted a woman, »

though there were cases when women themselves sent me photos or messages containing sexual material.

"Most of the time these were messages from foreigners with strange names and from strange places. I deleted them immediately or refused to accept them, not because I didn't like the photos but mostly to avoid having my mobile phone infected by any type of virus.

"I have never received similar messages from women in Malta. This might be because I have no problem at all in telling a woman face to face that I like her! Some friends of mine have had similar experiences. What women don't know is that guys my age joke about this and sending a provocative photo results in guys sharing it around and having a laugh."

 

Patricia*, 45 years old, mother of two adolescents

"I am afraid of social media. My two daughters are becoming obsessed by it. During dinner time, which is the only time I managed to get them off their mobiles and tablets, they only discuss how many likes they got on their photos and who commented.

"Obviously, they didn't allow me to view their profiles, but since they don't realise that their photos can be viewed by everyone, I get to see them too. I must admit that at times I was shocked and I had to ask for professional help on how to tackle my daughters.  Poses, provocative looks - at times I don't even recognise my own daughters.

"Once I realised that the photos they had were taken professionally. After long arguments, they admitted they had taken part in a photo shoot by a professional photographer, organised by a parent of one of their friends. I was devastated but they said that it is now the trend that instead of a birthday party, girls taken part in photo shoots with their friends. 

"Why are we mothers now selling our daughters? Why are we putting them online for everyone to see?  At times I feel completely at a loss.  People say that this is a phase that adolescents have to go through but I am afraid it will only become worse."›‹

 

*Not their real names.

A&H says.....

 When social media started to creep into our lives, it was something extraordinary. Meeting and finding people with whom you had lost contact didn't feel risky. Unfortunately, social media have now become a place for abuse, provocation and bullying. Although adolescents might seem to be the most vulnerable, even adults are now becoming victims of and addicted to social media.

Relationships are broken while others are started up with just a click. Are social media destroying the beauty of dating and of getting to know each other? And are exchanges of photos putting relationships on a pick and choose level now? If I don't like what I see, then I can refuse to meet you. If I think I like you based on what you sent me, then I might give it a try.

Tamara seems to enjoy the attention given to her online. This might be related to a mid-life crisis. Tamara has to work hard to avoid distractions and to avoid ending up in a relationship which surely she had no plans for.  A simple message can be misunderstood and can turn one's life upside down.

Jean seems to be unaffected by what is happening on social media and takes it all lightly. He is much younger than Tamara, and understands the use of IT and social media, but having a stronger character and knowing how to tackle a similar situation are helpful.

Unfortunately, Patricia's situation confirms that adolescents are being influenced too much and peer pressure has now extended from schools to the ordinarily safe zone at home. We all know that schools regularly organise meetings with students about the problems of social media. Are these being effective? What is the role of parents in all this? Parents used to be afraid that their children might end up drinking or abusing drugs. Today they also have to be on the alert for what can happen even beneath their roofs.

All this raises another important question about whether we should be very open with adolescents and whether sex education should be an integral part of our school curriculum. People differ on the matter. With the introduction of PSCD, certain topics are discussed in schools but it seems this is not enough. All those involved in the upbringing of adolescents must work together to protect vulnerable adolescents who have the whole world in front of them and who risk losing everything with just a few clicks.