June is usually one of the most anticipated times of year. It signifies exam stress, the start of the holidays, and the opening of Malta's beach season. This year, June was also as election month. The short, intense campaign drove political enthusiasts into gathering at mass meetings, at discussion meetings in Malta's towns and villages, and flooding social media with posts about one party or another.
Politics are discussed continuously, not only during election campaigns. Discussions at the workplace, in public places and also within families at times can become really heated. How do couples manage their differences?
Sandra* and Martin*, married for 34 years
"I am not bothered at all about politics. I have been a housewife all my life and really no decision taken will ever affect me. I give everything to my family, listen to the news and go to vote for the party that my family has always supported throughout the years," says Sandra.
Martin, on the other hand, is fervent about his political party. "I work in an industry that has always been a hot issue. I firmly believe in my political party as the only guarantee for my place of work. I argue a lot with Sandra, trying to persuade her that my job can only be guaranteed with my party in government. Over the years, her father has influenced her a lot and so she keeps voting in the same way.'
When asked about how this affects their relationship, Martin said that since Sandra is not interested, they manage to discuss things in a civil way. "He watches all political programmes and debates," Sandra says. "I watch them too but I don't pass any comment since I admit that I don't understand much."
Martin and Sandra have two children, both of whom are now married. "We don't influence them, although they understand their father's position, so most probably they vote like their father," says Sandra. She adds that she always puts the interest of her family first and so she avoids discussing politics with Martin and with their grown up children and their spouses.
Julie* and Trevor*, partners for 8 years
Julie and Trevor are both very involved in their respective political parties, and not only during an electoral campaign. Julie's full time job deals with politics while Trevor is a candidate's campaign manager. "When we met, we were already both very involved with our political parties. In fact, at the end of a heated argument, Trevor asked me whether I would like to continue the discussion over drinks," Julie remembers.
Both she and Trevor say that their situation is far from ideal, not only because they have different political beliefs, but also because they can't share the details of their day. At times I have sensitive information on my personal laptop while Trevor attends meetings related to strategies being planned by his party," Julie says. They started living together five years ago and, when they took this step, they both decided not to bring politics into their home.
"It was a bit hard at first since we both breathe politics," says Trevor. But he also says that they both value their relationship greatly and they couldn't allow politics and strangers to affect the synergy between them. In spite of all these differences, Julie says that there is one great advantage.
"We understand each other and we don't judge each other. Politics, when taken seriously, is a means of service. We chose this path and we respect each other's beliefs," says Trevor. During a campaign, the situation becomes tense because both are very busy and they don't spend time together. "Now that the campaign is over, we are going on a long holiday and this makes everything worthwhile," says Julie.
Karen* and James*, dating for 2 years
For Karen and James 2017's was their first electoral campaign. "I never thought it was that difficult to date someone of a different political opinion," says James. Both he and Karen are not particularly involved in politics but they admit that, during an electoral campaign, they follow what is happening. Both are also influenced by their respective families.
"During our first months together, we never discussed politics. But then the Panama issue started headlining the news," says Karen. James says that the huge effect was felt when he wanted to start attending political activities during the last campaign and Karen disapproved. "For me, these mass meetings are just a Sunday afternoon out with friends, but Karen definitely didn't want to budge just a little bit. I was hurt because I thought she would be more understanding."
Now that the campaign and post-election celebrations are over, Karen and James have put everything behind them and are looking forward to a great summer together. "I just hope that we will manage to talk a bit more about politics and about our beliefs so that we avoid a repetition of tension once an electoral campaign hits us again," says James. Neither of them expects the other to change political views or to switch allegiance, but James says he would like Karen to be a bit more understanding.
*Not their real names.
A&H says....
Political differences are a reality in Malta and, yes, they affect a relationship. Some psychologists say that one way of easing tension is to apply what is known as 'strategic topic avoidance'. Ignoring what is happening especially when in the presence of each other helps to relieve unnecessary tension. On the other hand, other psychologists say that having different opinions might be an asset to a healthy relationship.
Couples often do not have time to communicate properly due to busy lifestyles. Having a discussion about politics, even from opposing viewpoints, can still be healthy as it is a way to get to know each other better.
As in every other situation in life, there are extremes. Some people describe their political beliefs as the foundation on which their character and life are built and this is reflected in how they act in particular situations, even in the way they handle personal relationships.
What surely doesn't work and should be avoided is one partner trying to change the other partner's perspective. Everyone has a right to form his or her own opinion. Trying to force another person to believe in what you believe is definitely not a show of love and respect. Electoral fever fades after a few weeks, but love and respect should be constant. The best policy is focus on what really matters in your relationship. That's one policy everyone can agree on, no matter where their political sympathies lie.