Modern Western man has found a solution for adaptation to an evolved technological mind; it is called the casual penguin jaunt.
Many of us have, at some time or another, received an invitation indicating the kind of attire expected for the event. For one must not hurt the eyes of rigid conservatism, when prancing around a place where people gather to say, with twinkling eyes, how terrible or how lovely this and that is, before returning home and nostalgically remember how exciting it was to meet this one and that one and speak about the terrible and the lovely events haunting the international and local socio-political stage.
When one is invited in a mono-cultural context, one has little difficulty to conform to attire expected, as ‘formal’ simply means walk rigidly while wearing a smaller size garment to help you remain stiff and straight while turning your whole body to look around instead of your head only. The dark suit may be a psychological straightjacket, but very acceptable in modern Western times.
On the other hand, ‘casual’ is simpler as it may simply mean wearing sports shoes or at least not wearing socks inside nicer shoes. The modern Western female may decide to abandon the romantic dress of yore and stride onto the political stage wearing one of about six gut-looking ‘merkel jackets’ fit, more or less, for all occasions. Sometimes an invitation from an artistically intellectual organisation beckons you to come along – as opposed to proceed – in a ‘smart casual’ outfit. This indicates that rigid Western man is capable of being tolerant as ‘smart casual’ is a flexible defence mechanism – a compromise between Robocop and liberal, artistic estheticism.
In a multi-cultural setting, ‘formal’ and ‘casual’ may not mean the same thing as in a strictly Western setting. For example Greeks, Chinese and Iranians often tend to be formal without wearing a tie. If you wish to conform to Western formality while still avoiding the choking tie, please take a crash course in Greek, Chinese and/or Iranian before proceeding to the event, and you will not be considered ‘odd’ but simply exotically sweet.
Of course, you must not exaggerate as ‘Greek’ today only means without a tie - not wearing a long, flowing robe of ancient Greece, though some of us Western people would look quite attractive in a flowing robe. If it is windy, make sure you have not forgotten to put on underwear. This also goes in case you are wearing a formal kilt – which allows you to be Western and Gaelic at the same time, as Western society generously tolerates this. One must, of course, not abuse of Western generosity by abiding to old Western procedure across the Atlantic and decide that Western may also mean stirrups and big hat plus political solutions of ‘hang ‘em high’.
I have sometimes wondered whether I was following procedure when told ‘Dress: casual’ as, in today’s musical society, this may mean: Dress casually i.e. remain casual while dressing. It becomes more of a hassle when men are told ‘Dress: Dark Suit’. Luckily no mention is made of shoe and sock colour – not to speak of length of shoe laces. But this is only temporary as, sooner or later, your host will be sending you an invitation which is physically larger than formerly (I said ‘formerly’ NOT ‘formally: let’s not exaggerate!). For on the invitation, you will have a set menu of dress-code from top to bottom, including type and colour of tie, socks and slippers.
It was not always habitual for men to be ordered, on the invitation cardboard, to wear a dark suit. Until relatively recently, men were allowed to wear a suit – not necessarily a dark one. There are various interpretations of why this has come about. One is that ‘suit’ is more or less pronounced ‘soot’ and modern society, realising that liquid fuel is running out, are going back to ‘soot’ from the coal mines. It will not be long before men wearing a ‘light-coloured suit’ or worse a non-greyish one, will be manhandled by the event’s security and unceremoniously helped to exit the premises.
But this is only a rapid, unscientific interpretation. The obligation of wearing a dark suit has only come about since man discovered the far North. (I did not say far right or far left, so I am not being political.) With the far North, man discovered the penguins and, without as much as ‘by your leave’ for ignoring copyright regulations and procedure, decided that modern men in present Western society must wear the same attire as penguins i.e. dark suit and white shirt while flapping around. When watching a modern Western activity, with most men trying hard to look like penguins, these birds watching this pantomime on internet almost die laughing at this ridiculous imitation of their traditions. And this is why their leaders do not make a formal complaint at the United Nations, as Western men are providing them with entertainment which, in the far North, is not easy to come about.
As a lover of animals and the proper organisation of parental duties, modern Western man will search what is useful in penguin habits and contemplate useful adaptation to correct human society. These birds place their fluffy junior between their feet to make him warm and cosy, until he adopts a more formal and standard, leathery black and white attire conforming to prospective invitations on rigid cardboards.
It is interesting to compare far North penguins to Western men. Late at night, after a full day of formal work, Western man may decide to abandon his pyjamas and don the dark suit in preparation for a comfy night. He may occasionally get up with a start, yelling ‘PROCEDURE’. His wifey will reassure him and kindly say: ‘It’s all right, dear, we are now at home. That was just a bad dream’. He will in turn express gratitude and say: ‘Don’t worry, darling, I will manage to sleep this time. I will count penguins.’
Dr Anthony Licari has an academic background in Human Sciences from various French universities.