I have been brought up a Catholic. 

Even though in no way fanatical, my parents and extended family have always valued the Catholic Church, its thinking and its rituals.  I’ve been raised savouring this teaching.  Once again, let me qualify here.  As they say in Maltese, ‘ma kontx niekol l-ghatba tal-Knisja’ but I was always excited by the revolutionary thinking of the Jesuits just to give an example, the commitment to social services, the engaging and intriguing social teaching of the Universal Church and was and still am captivated by the person of Jesus. 

Religion helped me develop a moral compass and gave me the skills to choose good from bad.   Like most in my time and many still do now, I was titillated by how the Church contributed to the person I was growing into.  So in other words, there is definitely a lot of good in the Church before my gaze got covered almost entirely by the weeds that have interfered with the crops. 

As time passed I have also come to realise that this Church that portrays itself to be the place where you have this happenstance with God, has been going down the dumps.  Just the thought that whilst I was enjoying my childhood other children were being brutally raped, ill-treated, harmed and scarred for life by the Church makes me physically sick.  And to top it up, the Institution was only interested in concealing it.  But how low can it go?

Much as I am affectionate to Pope Francis and do recognise that he has tried to make a difference on a number of levels, I feel betrayed by the Church. 

This Institution I looked up to as being the mother of all goodness, not because it was perfect, was in fact coxswained on deceit, falseness and trickery. 

I just can’t believe I have to write this because even though I was never infatuated by religion, the Church had a comforting presence especially in the transitions that we go through in life; at birth, as we move through youth, in the choice of status and at the moment of death.  The feeling that the Church is there for you, this good sensation that if the going gets tough there will be the Church to cushion that impact, felt reassuring. 

But what do we get over the years?

A composite of stories, too malevolent and sinful to be imagined.  A horror account of gargantuan proportions.

The same Church I believed in seems to have disassociated itself from reality showing an iniquity side to it, a psychosis of sorts. 

One might mistakenly argue that the Church is made up of people and people err.  

One might faultily argue that the loads of good it did and does and the many dedicated people there are who serve in this Institution outweigh the negatives. 

Wrong. 

The Church has really found itself in the abyss of no return. 

It’s not only the fact that the history of manipulation never seems to have an end to it namely, the grooming and the abuse of the most vulnerable placed in their protection - but it’s the grave mishandling and purposeful veiling of these situations which I find objectionable. 

You get the odd priest, bishop and cardinal that are moved from one diocese and parish to another.  Some go through committees, therapy and investigations and incredibly enough several find themselves back on the Altar and quite a few even in contact with children and the vulnerable.   

What are we left with?

We are left with children turned adults that are embarrassed, humiliated and remain impacted with the abuse all through their life, messing up their minds and their emotions.  The heart-break is that we have seen such depravity happening in our Country as well.  

As we know, the Church in Malta had its share of discomfitures.   And after members of a particular religious order having been found guilty to such behaviour, the most serious case ever recorded, all you get is the Church offering psychological services. 

But what arrogance! 

The ‘perpetrators’ of such violence who used to sit within the same Institution that offers to pay you counselling!  Is it me that is going wacky?

Unbelievable.  

This idea that the Church has a moral right to ride over its horrendous behaviour is merely conceit.  Even after its face is squashed in dirt, it stands up, brushes itself and moves on chin-up as if these are ‘things that happen hux’! 

And you keep getting more stories.

For example, sopra corna bastonate, the best it manages to do is host a (now, part-time) priest who has a blot of badness.  And to top it up, here comes a quote from Newbook.com.mt;  [the Head of this Commission] ‘reiterated his appeal to whoever had information relating to these past years or to any period in time on any form of abuse, to approach the Safeguarding Commission or the Police.’

How neat was that from the Church!

The Church knows well enough that there are barmy people amongst its midst and is yet more interested in creating a smoke screen asking people to come forward instead of looking within. 

But has the Church really contemplated what is going wrong in its midst and that such atrocities might still be happening? 

Has the Church come in touch with the reality that celibate priests, religious and nuns might be shifting the warped expectation of celibacy to unnatural behaviour?

I would like to get into God’s mind and try to decipher how S/he would think about this matter. 

The Church has failed Him/Her in its mission.  It is no longer representative of the gracious narrative of Jesus Christ.   

The Church has nosedived. 

When it hits and hurts, damages and harms its young ones, it cannot get any worse than that.  When it is unable to speak truth about itself, it is time to rethink the whole model, to volte-face, to make an about-turn.  This is a Church that has turned into an organisation, interested more in keeping itself afloat and seeking damage limitation strategies then trying to come out of its gorge of heinousness.  The justification that it has a good message does not hold water any more. 

I am saddened even more so knowing that there are a number of priests and religious who are women and men of great integrity, who are truthful to the message, upright, honest and honourable. 

But at this point it is not about singling out the good but about taking to task the Institution that has failed its little ones – and when you hurt the little ones, when you pull the carpet from under those who come to you for help and aid, it doesn’t get any worse, does it ?