There is a new, or perhaps not so new, breed of men out there.  These men are not young carefree studs or playboys (as we used to call them).  Rather, they're older.  They were once married but are now either separated or divorced and usually in their early to mid fifties.  They are the fathers of adolescent or grown up children.  I've compiled their profile after listening to some women's stories .  I've heard their pain.  I've seen the sadness in their eyes and thesense of apathy and helplessness deriving from their situations.  These women have been 'played' really well by the fathers of their children. 

Their ex es are secure and stable.  They would have worked hard in their careers and are either employed or self-employed and therefore finacially ok.  Being male with an uninterrupted career trajectory, these men would have suffered limited set backs after their separations (or divorces) so they would have sprung back on their feet in no time at all unlike their once married female counterpart.  She would have continued to suffer financial losses long after her separation or divorce and for a much longer time than he.  Being a woman she would have sacrificed her career for most part of her marriage to care for and raise her children which she did without batting an eyelash.  Which she did through unconditional love.  As most women do.  

At this point in her life, if she did not work she would have had to find a job to help support her kids or continue to work in her job which would not leave her with the amount of cash as he would have.  So she would not be able to buy her kids as many things as he could and definitely she couldn't and wouldn't dare to buy her kids' love through money.  He, on the other hand, would.  Daddy would play the power game of being able to splash out and win his kids hearts through money. The cruelest sort would even invent ways to damage the bond between the mother and her children.  Through name calling, lying and telling of untruths, twisting of facts and deliberately using as many tactics as he could to undermine the mother's authority and status to the point of destroying all respect a mother could and should have from her (grown up) children.  By then, the children, especially if they are male, would have forgotten all the love and time their mother would have invested in bringing them up and through careful manipulation only come to believe their father's version of what their mother is like.  And if she was the one to leave the marriage then her ex husband would ensure that her kids would treat her as unfittingly they could.

 If the game is played well by the ex-husband/father, he would make sure that the mother be put in such bad light (even if that means inventing 'stuff about her') that ultimately the kid/s would end up leaving her and moving in with him.  Ahhh revenge galore.   For there is no better way 'to let her have what she deserves' then by making her suffer the cruelest most enduring pain of all.  And that is for the kid/s to leave their mother - the mother who doted on them from the moment the were born - and 'decide' to go live with their 'loving' dad.  A mother who has experienced this form of 'betrayal' is a broken mother.  Abroken woman.  A broken person who has fallen prey to a manipulative, revengful man who wears two masks and plays the victim very well.  This man has made it his business to destroy the love, respect, fondness and closeness there once was between a mother and her child/ren.  If the child/ren no longer speak to their mother then better still for he can sit back in sheer delight and pat himself on the back knowing how well he play his game and... won. 

In conclusion, I'd like to add that while I write this from the perspective of a woman, I also acknowledge that a female can do this to her ex husband or partner too.  Nothwithstanding this, whoever does this, it is evident that parental alienation is abuse - a sick form of child abuse.  From a legal point of view, much more should be done post separation and divorce to ensure this does not happen to any parent and child.

Miriam Cassar  (Sociologist) and LEAD participant