“Do you know what a victim of domestic violence looks like?”

This is what Maria Carlshamre said before she stood up in front of all the journalists present at a conference on woman’s rights in Strasbourg.

It was then that I understood that domestic violence was a serious and important issue that needed more attention. The round of applause she received after her touching speech was impressive.

However as I realized afterwards, when looking at the paper of the male journalist sitting next to me and seeing it full of pencil drawn faces, this was only talk after all and nothing outside that room ever changed from that moment on. It does not matter how many articles we write in the newspapers or how many television programmes we air about this subject, do the people actually know what is going on?

In the span of seven years, the Domestic Violence Services at Appogg received over 2,526 referrals. Its emergency centre, known as L-Ghabex, is a residential service used by women and their children, while their hotline assists victims of abuse through counselling and referrals to legal assistance.

However, this is not a representative figure of the actual number of victims of domestic violence in Malta. In most cases of domestic violence the victim knows the attacker and in a number of these cases the attacker is very intimate.

Most of the victims probably keep their mouths shut or say: “Oh but he does love me, it’s the stress”, or “it’s my fault because I angered him and he was so sorry after that”.

The problem is most of the women who are abused by their partner do actually make the big mistake of confusing the words like obsessiveness, jealousy and possession with love. They actually believe that the apologetic words coming from a man in tears, “ I am really sorry, it won’t happen again,” are true.

The abuse might not be physical at all but psychological or emotional in nature. This is also maltreatment and women suffering from this abuse should seek help from professionals.

Domestic violence does not have a social class or an educational level attached to it and is more widespread than we actually think. It cuts across all social classes in equal representation to the population.

Those of us who think that this problem is not ours, should realise it could be happening to the person we were talking to this morning.

As I said before, this article won’t make much of a change, it won’t give courage to a battered woman to press charges against her husband, or a relative to actually report any violence going on.

This is not only a woman’s problem but should be of male concern as well. Men can actually play a crucial role in helping to stop domestic violence. Men are already an integral part of the community that supports and interacts with families dealing with violence, as the majority of them are judges, police officers and doctors who work with families in crisis.

Women in fact also have a very handy tool in their hands, which could reduce violence performed by males. Mothers have a great influence on their children and it is by educating these children against violence that could lead to a reduction in the number of victims.