Currently hard at work studying Welsh Ale Appreciation in Cardiff, Raphael Vassallo keeps his promise to a send an occasional digest of what’s happening in the good ole’ Un of K...
Go on, have a fag...
Hi there. Some of you might find the following quotes va-a-aguely familiar:
“The bill... is going to ban smoking in every office, in every factory, every shop, every restaurant, every (form of) public transport, virtually every enclosed public space and work space...”
“That means that 99 per cent of the workforce will be in a totally smoke-free environment...”
“There is total agreement on 99 per cent of the policy. On the one per cent. there was real disagreement.”
Now, who do you all think said this? Philip Fenech of the GRTU? Good guess, but no. Dr Mario Cassar of the Health Department? No, not extremist enough. OK, OK, I’ll put you all out of your misery. It was Patricia Hewitt, UK Health Minister, who last week had to climb down from her previous 100 per cent smoking ban after facing open revolt from Labour MPs in the House of Commons.
As a result, her original bill was re-packaged in an extra mild, low tar format, with the result that smoking will now be permitted in those bars that do not serve food, or which provide an appropriate smoking room.
Yes, that’s right. It is remarkably similar to what happened in Malta last year. A fact which only goes to prove what so many of us have been arguing all along: Malta really is the centre of the universe, and what happens here (as in, there) invariably serves as a blueprint for what will later happen everywhere else.
Only, as I’m sure you’ve all already spotted, with one or two tiny, weeny little differences:
1) Britain, like Malta, also has its fair share of hard-line extremists. However, they are not always automatically promoted to high positions in government departments, with results that are, let’s just say, more chilled.
2) In Britain – or, for that matter, pretty much everywhere in the democratic world – reigning governments do not always take their own backbenchers’ votes for granted. This is why, when Patricia Hewitt figured she wasn’t going to get a majority in the house, she agreed to “compromise” (Note: don’t worry if you didn’t understand that last word. Your government doesn’t either.)
2) In Britain, the major trade unions were all in favour of the complete ban, and are now furious with the minister for backtracking. In Malta, most were against, and were furious with the minister for not backtracking. Which means that, come to think of it, there’s no real difference at all. Unions will always find an excuse to be furious with some minister or other...
Nice beaver...
And finally, it’s official. Five hundred years after being hunted to extinction, the European beaver is about to be reintroduced to Britain. This has been welcomed by naturalists, who....
Hang on a sec. If there weren’t any beavers for 500 years... then what was the point of having badgers? And besides: does anyone really give a dam? (Heh, heh. Get it? “Damn, dam”...? Oh, never mind.)