You know, a labradoodle, a cross between a labrador and a poodle?
Little Malta at Christmastime, New Year’s Eve time and beyond. All through the year
there are so many examples of labradoodles, aren’t there?
Our Xmas lunch first of all. Timpana and turkey. What a labradoodle!
And of course there is more than just that. We also eat all the best of all other goodies from Italian and British cuisine, and sometimes some French things thrown in too. No wonder we are the fatties of Europe. We really want everything and we want it now. Our food traditions don’t evolve over centuries. We just pick and choose the most calorie-ridden feasts and load them together. You really have to watch the Maltese eating, at weddings, at Sunday lunches, to wonder what exactly we are all so hungry for or are not getting?
And our kids. Starting life weight wise as mini adults? We used to laugh at fat, even obese Americans but we have come a long way in a very short time. I love that mayor of New York who is banning trans fats in all food outlets. Should we do the same? Imagine one of our mayors doing the same in Sliema, Bugibba, Marsascala or St Julian’s? It’s a fun thought though. Mayors as public personalities aka Ken Livingstone and the rest. Anyway at least we have one ‘A’ list food magazine, Taste, that manages to feed all our senses, and makes gluttony visually gorgeous.
And what about our girly/woman /femme fatale dress code? It is truly appalling all year round, but at Xmas time it goes into overdrive. Women who cross dress somewhere between, labradoodle style nouvea riche lady of leisure and Ukrainian pole dancers while having the bellies and below the shoulder fat piles of Maltese middle aged men. At a lovely wine bar in Balzan one night three Maltese women were dressed to kill in bustiers and protruding flab that was truly distracting. It seems wholesome Maltese family life. School is lacking in teaching us the basics of life, how to eat well, how to dress well, how to behave, how to say thank-you and sorry.
Maltese women are beautiful but look awful especially when they are out on the town, and particularly at Christmas time. I walked around Baystreet with my Bratz/Sims influenced nine-year-old daughter last Saturday playing the game of what we should and shouldn’t wear for a party. But the choice was difficult. Either frumpy or tarty? Can some of our shop window dressers do a little better to inspire Malta’s next generation of babes to dress better this Christmas/New Year season?
And our cars. What is a tiny country like ours with ever smaller families doing with so many petrol guzzling beasts that take up so much road space and are hellishly difficult to park? Where are the motorways for these beasts of prey which are often driven by admittedly well turned out blow dried blondes with Botox brows, and the flattest of gym tuned tums? Again in London the mayor has put a huge tax on such vehicles. Imagine the mayor of Sliema doing the same, or perhaps other councils will levy a tax to receive such vehicles? Somehow I think we have more chance of breeding labradoodles than that!
And our roads. No labradoodle in sight. They are either totally marvellous or a total nightmare. And yet we have spent millions. The EU is helping us to spend more millions. Near every road we should have the name of the contractor so if within a year or two the road starts to cave in or hole up we know where the money really went.
And our wardens. Where did they come from? Are fewer of us dying or being injured on our roads? Are fewer people being killed by our terrible car and dust pollution thanks to their work? Are fewer young people boozing openly in our streets? No, just our pockets decimated by ridiculous fines for tiny misdeamenours. They need to do much more than change their uniforms. They need a change of personality and attitude first and foremost to try and give them the best qualities. And one hell of a marketing campaign to win back any respect from the public.
On our newspapers, on our political media. No labradoodle in sight. It’s just decimation of the other breed day after day, week after week? Are you red or blue, a labrador or a poodle or vice versa? Or one of those who just isn’t boarding the political ship anyore? The labradors and the poodles must get together but they won’t. It is divide and rule and no interbreeding save where both sides benefit, and people are getting very, very tired of it.
Whether it is an upset Nathalie Attard or a distraught John Dalli, the lesson for us all is very clear. Clash with the party machinery at your peril.
But perhaps I am being over negative and a bit of spirit of goodwill and Christmas cheer will encourage more of those with power over people’s lives (from our court workers to wardens, from politicians to our media) to divide less and rule more in 2007. We are way too small to self-divide and destruct between labradors and poodles.
More labradoodles please.
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