I really don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Many web users out there will no doubt have come across a Youtube video that features a Maltese-American woman and her friend making pastizzi.
All well and good you might say. Except these two women, Mango Fire (the Maltese bird) and her kitchen partner Candy Cornwall, strut around in their knickers and bras touching each other up and having a good old time as they make them.
To be honest it’s rather embarrassing since neither of these women have the figure to be strutting around on video in the bare necessities, in fact they are not very pleasing to look at… at all. Mango Fire even delightfully explains that “a pastizz is” – and promptly gives you a quick flash of her nether regions, continuing, “when you see the finished product you will know why”.
The video is about nine minutes long, which to be honest was a bit too excruciating to get through, so forgive me if I leave out some minor details as I couldn’t really bear watching the whole thing. To be fair, there are no really bad scenes, but the girls just ass about constantly, getting shall we say, rather touchy feely at times.
Anyway… Mango Fire, I must admit, really does do a good job on the actual pastizzi themselves, she prepares them well and in the true Maltese way. And to be honest, the finished product looked delicious. One would think that this is just another daft video on Youtube, but it has spread to many other video-hosting websites. I tried to count them, but to be honest I gave up after reaching 20. On Youtube alone, they managed 7,241 hits with a four out of five star rating. Not bad, one must say. The video has been placed on 14 users’ favourites list. There are even some comments left by users: “Ace... I featured you on my food blog. Keep ‘em coming. Some suggestions: do one on the zalzett malti (Maltese sausage) soppa tal armla (widow’s soup) brodu tal falda (a broth made with a cut of beef called falda, which is also Maltese for part of the female genitals, and a word used for insulting someone who is useless).”
To which Kinky Cuisine replied: “Thank you so much!! We are really glad you like the video. Mango is going to talk with her Aunty Carmen about the recipes you suggested as ideas for future shows. Also, thanks for linking us.”
Another user commented: “Mango Fire you are my dream woman. As a kinky Maltese-American who misses his mother’s pastizzi your video brought tears to my eyes. Or was it the hot pants?”
No doubt many of you will have already seen this video as it has been doing the rounds as an e-mail weblink, but for those who haven’t it’s hosted at www.kinkycuisine.com.
The recipe is listed:
1 cup white flour, ½ teaspoon salt, water.
Filling:
1 container whole milk ricotta
1 egg
Salt & pepper to taste
For every cup flour add ½ teaspoon salt and mix. Make a well in the centre, add water and mix with a fork blending until it becomes sticky dough. Place dough on a floured surface. Knead for about 10 minutes until smooth, like a baby’s butt. Place dough in a bowl with olive oil – just enough to coat. Cover with a towel and let rest for one hour. Very lightly oil kitchen table you will be stretching dough out on. Keeping dough intact, cut into manageable segments. Stretch dough out onto table trying not to leave too many holes. Dribble melted butter onto dough and rub in lightly with hands. Roll dough into “schlongs”. Wrap “schlongs” in saran wrap. Use dough within a day or two or freeze it. Chill at least one hour. Mix whole milk ricotta and one egg. Add salt and pepper to taste. Prepare pastizzi and bake at 425 degrees for 15-20 minutes until golden brown. Enjoy!
Honestly. Words fail me. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry or say good on ya!