On 2 September 2007 I wrote that I would rather not accept the bloodstained money of Mrs Suha Arafat in Mdina when it was decided that her remaining years would be spent in Malta. Recently, I was at a delightful soiree thrown by my brother in St Julian’s and met Gabi – Mr Jubran Taweel to you – the Ambassador of Palestine. He persuaded me that I might have been harsh in my judgment of this lady. As a result, Mrs Arafat, I am prepared to stand corrected and would like to hear your version of the events of your life over dinner with Gabi and his delightful wife at the Lord Nelson in Mosta. Please ask him to arrange the same and call me. I promise to come with an open mind.

Politically and economically the world

around us is looking pretty bleak

Everywhere I look at the start of this new year there isn’t much cheer on the political front. The economic outlook isn’t any brighter either. In the US we have a mentally bankrupt administration slowly drifting into a coma as its life comes to an end. It seems George “Dubya” is determined not to use his remaining time in office to make a real contribution to world politics. For example, he doesn’t seem that interested in solving the Middle East crisis. He would have had a better chance than most because, as an outgoing President, he doesn’t have to worry about the crucial Jewish vote at the next election. Worse, the “Witch of Whitewater” remains the bookies, favourite to fly on her broomstick into the White House next November to replace Dubya. What a frightening prospect that is. In the meantime the US economy stutters as neither consumers nor business seem to really know how serious the domestic banking crisis is. It was caused by hideously lax mortgage lending and continues to cast a huge shadow over an economy that remains important enough to start a world recession perhaps sometime soon.

In the UK, the economy, which is 80 per cent driven by consumer spend, looks particularly vulnerable as a result. The solid foundations that were so painfully put in place during the 1980s by Margaret Thatcher have been fritted away by Fat Controller Gordon Brown over a disastrous decade at the Treasury. The British economy has been booming on consumer spend, caused by increased equity in homes, brought about by galloping house price inflation due to a shortage of the same, rather than by the creation of real wealth. As a result, the British boast both more mortgage and credit card debt than the rest of Europe put together. In addition, high stealth taxes have been totally wasted on public services where bureaucracy has flourished while standards have plummeted. And because of all of this the economy has little room to manoeuvre. Any highly taxed and wasteful economy that is based on artificial wealth only needs a slight loss of confidence to result in decreased consumer demand in both the high street and the housing market and the whole thing comes crashing down. So there is a real prospect that Fatty Brown will become known as the worst captain of HMS Britain since that economic pigmy Harold Wilson was in charge over 30 years ago. Recognition he so richly deserves.

The world economy, once the US and the British have been discounted, isn’t perhaps in such a bad state. However, great care must be taken in India and China to avoid some of the excesses that sent “the tiger” economies of the Far East into recession in the 1990s. In addition, the Chinese government will continue to bully millions of people and completely ignore their human rights. Moreover, the political problems in Pakistan, where the world’s most dangerous weapons could fall into the hands of the world’s most dangerous men any day, should remain in all our focus. That would mean that nuclear war was back on the world agenda ahead of climate change and Japanese tussles with Greenpeace over brutality towards whales.

In Burma, a despicable government will continue to murder and maim. In Russia, the midget Vladimir Putin and his gang will continue with their thuggery and false democracy while planning how they might hold the whole of Europe to ransom by either withholding or over-pricing essential energy supplies.

Forest fires will continue to abound all over Africa. Unless South Africa can get its newly elected president behind bars before he takes office, things could go very wrong there. Up the road, in Zimbabwe, the ghastly antics of the hideous dictator Robert Mugabe, who now counts our own Dr Gonzo Dog as a friend, will no doubt continue to cause total misery and hardship. Kenya will probably also continue to disappoint. It has turned its back on British Empire civilisation in favour of tribal genocide while Sudan will continue to be run by a bunch of Islamic lunatics who delight in public floggings. And no doubt millions from central Africa and the west coast will trudge their way away from famine and through jungle and desert in order to illegally enter Europe and of course many will die on the way. In Europe, ugly Chancellor Angela Merkel will continue to lock horns with wee Frog President “Emperor Napoleon” Nicky Sarkozy. She may have a facelift. He will continue to charge around the globe, with his girlfriend in tow, pretending to be a world statesman - just like Tony Blair used to a decade ago. She should have the facelift and he would do better to stay at home and face the ongoing punch up with the lawless French unions. Both countries will naturally continue to ignore any EU directive they don’t like while expecting other members, such as Malta, to obey them or be fined. The Italians will continue to think of themselves as important while everyone else will just think of them as having no significant role to play in anything except Formula One.

Large parts of South America will remain poor and both politically and economically unstable. The rain forest will continue to disappear while the drug trade, which causes so much misery there and everywhere else, won’t.

Canada, Australia and New Zealand probably won’t cause the world too many headaches – although the brashness of some Australians will continue to irritate people in places they visit but what else can one expect from a nation born out of Cockney convicts?

Naturally, both Poles will go on melting as the world continues to fry itself on the fire of its own greed.

And of course Islamic extremists will continue to encourage silly boys and girls from Karachi to Baghdad to Birmingham to blow themselves up in order to murder as many innocent women and children as possible in the name of Mohammed.

Is the end of the world in sight? No, perhaps not just yet, but it is in one hell of a mess and neither is freedom just around the corner for many. One British tabloid has already dubbed 2008 – “two thousand and hate” – which seems pretty accurate to me.

Cancer victim bitten by pit bull

My page in the 6th January edition of this wonderful publication was sandwiched between articles by Dr Charlie Mango-tree, the Acting Leader of the Amateur Dramatic Party and ex Miss World Nationalist Party contestant the lovely Daphne Caruana Galizia. I read their outpourings with interest.

Dr Charlie Mango-tree, known to be the second best thespian on the island after the great, but recently laid low, Dr Santa Claus himself, was in fine form making all sorts of sensible criticisms of the good old Gonzo Dog Do Da Band government and promising that, if given the chance, he and the awfully nice Amateur Dramatic Party would do much better. The trouble is – does anyone, even with half a Posh Spice brain cell, really believe him? And of course we all know the answer is no.

But what is the alternative? The Gonzo Dog Do Da Band government has obviously had a moral bypass operation. Here is a political party that is so keen on spin and clinging to power that it has completely forgotten the mandate on which it was elected. It ignores anything that might either cause it or its friends difficulties and behaves with arrogance usually only attributed to dictatorships – like Dr Gonzo Dog’s friend in Zimbabwe. It apparently couldn’t care less that it has not delivered any real benefits from EU membership. Worse, since joining it has decided to ignore many EU rulings which are designed to protect workers” health and conserve the environment. This administration seems to have replaced its once glorious vision for Malta with a cynical civil service and getting personally rich instead.

However, what was really surprising, when reading the Daphne article, was that Dr Gonzo Dog and his government are apparently reluctant to use their not-so-secret weapon to explain what they have achieved and wish to achieve if given yet another bite at the cherry. They seem rather more content to let La Petite Pit Bull Daphne waste her considerable ability on a continual tirade against Dr Santa Claus personally. Apparently, he is now not just crap for wearing a wig but even more crap for having colon cancer and not inviting us all into his hospital bed to see the scar. Unbelievably, a whole page of her considerable skill was wasted on this.

Daphne you are quite right to admire British democracy, you are equally quite wrong to suppose a great result of the same was the creation of the world’s nastiest tabloid press. Malta would do well not to emulate such garbage.

In the end, the Maltese voter will be forced to choose between the incapably nice and the rather more capable nasty. I fear a rather poor outcome either way.

So is there any good news?

Well perhaps there isn’t too much good news as I trawl the world’s media from the French Alps. However, here is something for us all to consider. HRH Charles, the Prince of Wales, a man to be admired for his genuine and unfailing concern for the common man, has written in the British publication, Farmer’s Weekly, that there is “also real potential to create renewable energy from farm waste and to diversify into energy from crops and crop by-products”. Ha ha you laugh – this loony prince thinks we can create a green energy source from cow dung.

But wait a minute, 25 years ago you also laughed at his environmental concerns and nobody is laughing at those today as politicians from all over the world fall over themselves to jump on his bandwagon. Moreover, am I not right in saying that cows produce a huge carbon footprint merely by breaking wind? I can see that link and the possibilities – can’t you? If it is true then we might be able to bottle Dr Santa Claus and Dr Gonzo Dog’s election speeches and the fat female parking wardens could become a recycling green source of energy too – the mind boggles. Malta’s energy needs would be met for years to come.

By the way, Charles – The Man Who Will Be King is available at Agenda Book Shops and is a bloody good read!

Dr Gonzo I’m still waiting and so are the people of Valletta!

Hi Dr Gonzo Dog. How are you and your awfully nice Cabinet colleagues getting on with planning the election? You may recall that I wrote to you regarding Valletta on 25 November 2007. We are now 54 days further on and the people there and I would still like to know if you might like to help us with the social regeneration of this once wonderful city? Well do you GD?

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