The news that 70 children are on a waiting list, ready to be fostered, is a sad reflection on our society today.

Malta has always been described as a family-oriented country with sound Christian values, and we like to compare ourselves favourably to other nations when it comes to loving and nurturing our children.

However the stark fact of those 70 children, some of them babies, who have been taken away from their parents for various reasons and have been put under the care of the state, is a reminder that not all is as rosy as it might seem on the surface.

The truth is that while almost everyone can, biologically, become a parent, not everyone is emotionally and psychologically capable enough to raise a child. Whether it is because of immaturity, negligence, substance abuse, physical or sexual abuse or mental instability, children are being born into situations where the parents are unable to fulfil their responsibilities and obligations towards their newborn. Of course, there are also cases when the care order is temporary, in situations when the mother or father simply need help to get back on their feet after setbacks which were beyond their control, but in too many cases the problem is much deeper and the child needs to be removed from the family home permanently.

Bringing a child into the world is such a huge undertaking that it is only when people become parents that the full impact of their duty hits them. Even in the most stable home environment, when the parents are well-rounded individuals, the first year is usually fraught with anxiety, stress, exhaustion and the constant gnawing fear that you are not being a good enough mother or father. The common saying that ‘parenting should come with an instruction manual’ is often quoted by first-time parents who worry whether they are doing things right.

If a ‘normal’ couple finds that having a baby is a real test to their relationship, then one can only imagine the scenario when a child is brought into the world unthinkingly; where the pregnancy was not wanted because it was the result of a casual relationship, or because the family is already dysfunctional.

It is apparent from the figures we have been given about the fostering waiting list, that we have too many parents whose circumstances are not conducive to raising their children in a healthy risk-free environment. The call for more foster carers is understandable, as studies have shown that children thrive better when they are raised within another family rather than in a children’s home.

However, it is also imperative that we look at how these children are ending up in foster care in the first place. For this reason, it is imperative that sexual education stresses this crucial point, especially where very young teenagers are concerned: it must be drummed into them that having a baby is not the stuff of romantic novels and fairytales. They must be made aware that the child will depend completely on them for everything, and be their responsibility for at least the next 18 years.

That is the reality of becoming a parent.