The Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting has come and gone, and the enduring image - fatefully - will be that of our head of state wearing the beautiful pea-green boat in which the Owl and the Pussycat went to sea, and on which somebody inept had cut out and stitched a little bit of lace trimming. As soon as she was shown on television, walking in to the courtyard at San Anton Palace, everybody was transfixed and nobody could speak of anything else. Facebook was stiff with memes within minutes. People were in fits. I walked into a shop while the circus was being replayed on television, and found two shop assistants glued to the show on a laptop: "Dik x'libset hemm?"

The commentary about the president's eye-popping outfit died down a little when she performed her little detour round the car in which the Queen and Prince Philip arrived. Because then we had something else to talk about, and it even made it to the satirical show Striscia La Notizia on the Italian television channel Canale 5. Prince Philip got out of the car first, because they forgot to change the seating arrangements inside the car despite shifting the ceremony to San Anton Palace from the Palace in Valletta (he would have been on the correct side of the car for Valletta). So what does President Coleiro do? Instead of waiting on that side of the car - the proper side, because it was the one closest to the building and the welcoming party - she nipped over to the other side on the assumption that the Queen would pop out there. Even more ludicrously, an officer held the wrong door open and saluted the empty space, closing the door only when he realised that the Queen had emerged on the other side and that the President had scuttled off back round. That's what happens when you have an Instant Brigadier, given three promotions through the ranks in as many weeks to become Commander of the Armed Forces of Malta, while the properly trained commander and deputy commander are forced to 'retire'.

And nobody bothered to smarten up that courtyard. It is unbelievably shabby and looked terrible on television, with the sort of plants you might see in a supermarket carpark and not one flower. They could have worked all afternoon, through the night and into the early morning to create a proper setting for the ceremony. At the very minimum, they could have bought shrubs and other plants in flower and stuck them into the ground. But no - even the red carpet was covered in mud and puddles.

There was more fun to be had indoors, when gifts were exchanged and within minutes sharp observers began communicating the news that the President had given the Queen a watercolour painting of Villa Guardamangia - just as Norman Hamilton did only two years ago when he presented his credentials at the Court of St James. What this means is that nobody in the government is keeping a register of gifts given to heads of state - either that, or the President and her newbie aides did not see fit to consult it. They probably thought they had a brilliant idea, only to discover through the hilarious online commentary that Mr Hamilton had already had it.

The next day's amusement was provided by the opening ceremony, which the Organising Committee, under the direction of Phyllis Muscat, decided to turn into an Off Broadway musical and variety show. So we had people dressed as giraffes, lions and Strait Street sailors, dancing and spinning and twisting while Joseph Calleja, wearing an unfortunate suit, sang his heart out. It was the Lion King meets Phantom of the Opera via Nemo and Ray Calleja.

And after that, we all enjoyed ourselves speculating about Mrs Muscat's (Michelle, not Phyllis) 1950s costumes, and why she doesn't simply get dressed instead of dressing up as in dressing-up box. The final bout of hilarity was brought on when she walked in to Friday evening's big show wearing a white fur cape swinging over a particular kind of black evening dress with sparkly bits sewn up top, and carrying opera gloves. I thought I had seen that get-up somewhere before, and before long, somebody produced the photograph: a famous photograph of Eva Peron wearing that ensemble, except that hers was made by Chanel. Oh, and Eva Peron was not carrying a Sunita Mukhi minaudiere encrusted in Swarovski crystals, emblazoned with a Maltese cross, as Mrs Muscat was.

All in all, it was an interesting few days. Now did anybody notice what was actually discussed?

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