A woman who was raped as a child has told The Malta Independent on Sunday that she wondered why she wasn’t getting paid for the abuse, like her mother, who worked as a prostitute.

Yolanda Bonello spoke with this newsroom about the abuse she endured when she was just eight years old.

Heartbreaking cases of rape circulating around the media have unfortunately not been an uncommon occurrence. Bonello, who has outwardly spoken about the horrific events she has gone through on her social media platforms, names herself as a role model for those who have gone through the same thing.

The man, who was 49 at the time of the rape, and her mother’s former partner, and was known for sexual abuse of minors, has since been jailed and died in prison. Bonello’s mother worked the streets prostituting herself, leaving Bonello with the offender.

Asked how old she was when she finally spoke out, Bonello said that she was merely 13 years old, after having suffered in silence for five years.

“I did not speak out for five whole years, which was disastrous for me as I released those emotions through terrible tantrums,” Bonello said. At the time, she was being brought up by the state and the sisters and her mother had limited privileges to see her.

Bonello said she spoke out after one Thursday in May she saw her rapist, who worked as a doughnut vendor. She hadn’t seen him for five years. When he saw her, he recognised her and proceeded to stick his tongue out at her.

“That’s when I realized it was not fair that I was here suffering all these tantrums and he was living a normal, comfortable life.” Bonello said that she then got the courage to stand up for herself and went to speak to the sisters taking care of her about the abuse.

This set off a long court process where Appogg, the vice squad and Child Protection Services were involved, she said.

“The inspector at the time asked me what I expected after I spoke out and I simply said that I would like a sort of revenge, without having done anything illegal. I wanted compensation for what he did to me, I wanted him in jail,” Bonello said.

She continued to say that she found herself comfortable talking in court once she spoke out and she stood witness revealing everything that happened, which to her was a great release. Bonello said she probably would not have spoken out had her abuser threatened to kill her at some point.

“It would have affected me for the rest of my life, had he threatened me,” she said.

Bonello was still of school age at the time, which prompted the question of if she had spoken to any teachers at the time or if students came to know what happened. Replying in the negative, Bonello said that the court events happened in summer, but when the news came out people kept talking about it in school, expressing sadness of something so horrible happening to someone so young.

As her name was not published in the media, Bonello said she would go along with what the people said, offending the abuser as well.

Bonello said that she blames her mother the most, as she had always felt safe with the sisters. When people asked her where the sisters were during the ordeal, she always told them that her mother had privileges during the weekend and the abuse happened during those days.

Bonello was asked how the sisters helped her face the situation, to which she replied that the sisters were extremely supportive and she even had a private psychologist along with counselling.

When asked what guardians or parents, as well as persons who take care of children, could do better in preventing situations like this from happening she said that parents, guardians and those involved with children must be role models and educate children from a young age about what is right or wrong.

“I thought what was happening was normal, I thought every family went through this. I knew from a young age what sex was, but I hadn’t distinguished between sex and rape. I did not know; I was only a child and I saw my mother doing the same things,” Bonello said.

Prompted on this, Bonello was asked at what point did she realize that the actions done to her were not normal, not of someone who wants the best for her.

“I knew what was going on, I saw my mother doing this,” she said. “I wondered why I wasn’t getting paid after being raped, like my mother,” Bonello said.

She had once even asked her abuser why she was not receiving money for what she did, to which he told her that it was because she was young.

“He would shut me up by saying that I was young and that I would receive money when I got older,” Bonello said, recalling an instance when she asked for €20 notes like she saw her mother receiving countless times, to buy sweets. “He just gave me some coins to buy sweets,” she said.

Asked if she had talked to her mother about what was happening, Bonello replied in the negative.

“My mother knew of this once I spoke out to the sisters and we had a meeting with Appogg, where she denied any knowledge of this happening,” Bonello said. “She knew though, I am sure she knew, he would tell me ‘let’s go and play’ and my mother would encourage that. He would take me to go ‘play’ behind locked doors, and she was there,” Bonello said.

Asked how the events affected her life, Bonello said that she suffered five years of tantrums and hidden emotional turmoil which she believes had affected people around her, such as the sisters.

“I would occasionally want to speak to them, then I would change my mind. I would hear and see other rape stories where the girl was not believed and that discouraged me.” She added that she did not know how to express herself in words, despite being on the verge of telling her story. The sisters also let her express her anger by leaving her alone in a room so she could smash glass.

Bonello said that nowadays she enjoys openly talking with someone who has gone through the same things and encourages them to speak up. She said, however, that there are difficult moments in her life where she would make sure she is alone to release her emotions.

Asked how she deals with these emotions, Bonello said that she sometimes resorts to alcohol, and then would call any helpline she can think of to reach out for help.

“Nowadays, after turning 18, I lost some people and the help I received as a child was more than what I receive now,” she said.

Bonello spoke about how the events have affected her relationships and how she had to actively work on them.

“There have been times where I thought my partner’s facial expressions were like that of my abuser, which mentally broke me,” she said. “I took my time, spoke with my partner and reminded myself that my rapist is dead,” Bonello said, adding that however, he needed to change the ways he would react to certain situations so as not to remind her of her rapist. She however said that overly romantic gestures and a lot of touching still bothers her.

Asked about her views of life nowadays, Bonello said that she does not feel lesser than others because of what happened to her, but rather she feels stronger. She said she has however developed some trust issues and does not let people in her life very easily.

What would she tell herself as an eight-year-old, looking back? Bonello said that looking back she did the right thing by speaking up. She said she does not wish these things upon anyone, but is glad she did as she can now be an inspiration, or a shoulder to cry on, for someone else.