Summer is upon us and, as usual, the temperatures have increased suddenly so that wearing lighter, skimpier clothes and baring more flesh is inevitable. This time of the year is loved by many yet dreaded by many too. The thought of not being able to hide one’s body in layers of clothing can cause various problems for those who are not happy in their skin.

Being someone whose weight has yo-yoed pretty much all my life from small sizes to extra large ones, I know all too well how uncomfortable this time of the year can be because of the insensitivity that reigns on this island. Whether you’re overweight or underweight or even just as slim as you should be, doesn’t necessarily mean that you are comfortable with how you look and most people tend to judge without any empathy whatsoever.

Most of my life I was either overweight or underweight so I know, first hand, how both can affect you and the image you have of yourself, in different ways. The main issue is that a lot of people equate someone being overweight with them binge-eating and this couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m not saying that there aren’t those that put on weight due to over indulging. What I’m saying is that it is not always the case. Being on the heavy side could be down to genes, thyroid problems, low metabolism or even side-effects of long-term medication, which in many cases cannot be avoided. Like many people I am sure, I have been told that I “let myself go” when I was at my biggest and was just casually told “go for a walk, it will do you good”.

But there’s more to it than that and how, I ask myself, do these people have the audacity to think they know what’s going on when they don’t try to understand. I have even often been congratulated for being pregnant and those who know me will know that I am very rarely lost for words, but on these occasions (there were several) I was left at a complete loss as to what to reply to those who had the nerve to ask this. At one point I even went along with it and pretended I was, in fact, pregnant, before making my excuses to move away.

Sometimes it’s just easier than explaining the truth and people who are so intrusive don’t even want to hear the truth. In Malta, people aren’t “politically correct” and I don’t even expect them to be but there are limits to what one should tell a person who is suffering with weight issues and the worst part is that even though, at times, nothing is actually said, you can see the shock on their face and the eyes scanning you in such a judgmental way that you feel even worse than you did before. It’s like slapping your self-esteem in the face.

This obvious discomfort is not only experienced by those who are large and curvaceous but also by those who are on the skinnier side and it is the latter that seem to suffer more because the comments can be harsher. At my skinniest I weighed 46 kilos. I was working abroad in a very busy city and was constantly on the go. I ate regularly but my lifestyle was such that I was burning fat constantly. On visiting our island on holiday one time, I was faced with even more judgement than when I had left and was 25 kilos heavier. Rumours started that I was taking dangerous slimming pills (which absolutely wasn’t the case) and people who thought they were my friends started telling me “Come on, eat, you’re not eating enough, you’re too skinny”.

But I had absolutely no control over how much I weighed because I was eating but was very active and try as I did to put on some weight, it just didn’t happen and, ironically, I started to lose more weight because my metabolism just kept increasing. From my experience, it can be as hard to put on weight as it can be to lose it but many (usually those who have had the same slim body type most of their lives) don’t understand just how difficult being skinny can be and that people who are underweight do not always choose to be like that. They are very often talked about badly in a way only the Maltese can… “U ajma, she looks terrible and should eat, if she ate she’d look better”. Those are the type of comments that can seriously damage someone’s already broken self-esteem.

Basically, just like my articles in the previous weeks, I’m writing this in the hope that firstly, those suffering from either of they above afflictions, know they are not alone. And, secondly, people try to have more empathy towards others by trying to understand what it must be like to be in their shoes.

Some people actually mean well by saying the things they do because they have no idea what it is like to suffer from weight issues but this needs to stop. We need to start understanding that everyone is different and that listening before speaking can make a huge difference. It took me 40 odd years to realise this but it’s never too late and you can help someone feel better about themselves instead of putting your foot in it and making someone feel bad even though that wasn’t the intention.