Somebody recently asked me about this, unwittingly inspiring me for an August (or holiday season) article. So here I am, ready to share some aspects of my writing experience.
Readers are perhaps unaware that each and every article I submit to this newspaper is 1,800 words long. Not one word less, not one word more. The first to notice it was a former Editor. He approached the subject tactfully, asking me whether his impression was right. I confirmed, giving him the background story.
Some years ago, I submitted an article to another newspaper for favour of publication. They sent it back, asking me to reduce the word-count to less than 700 words. It was then that something popped into my head. I decided that from then onward my every article’s word-count would be a round number – 700 words, say. Not one word less, not one word more.
It’s like classical poetry, where you have to abide by a number of syllables per verse. If you write a sonnet, it has to be eleven. Which isn’t easy. It means you have to say whatever you want to say in that number of syllables. Not only. Your entire idea has to be contained in fourteen verses, and the problem you raise in the poem’s opening part has to be resolved at a particular, pre-ordained point (and only that point) in the poem. You require a lot of discipline when you’re restricted by such rules.
But to go back to that article I was asked to edit. I reduced it to 700 words and I still managed to say all that I wanted to say, deriving enormous pleasure from the final result. I liked it so much, I decided I wanted to apply this new rule to all of my articles.
There was another reason, though. I had learnt from Andrea Camilleri that he used to do the same in his novels. He was allocated a number of words for each chapter, and consequently had to learn to narrate the story within the confines of that number. A sort of budget which he couldn’t overrun.
So when this newspaper’s current Editor texts me to ask when I’m handing in my article, I sometimes reply, “I’m busy editing. Furiously.” And he replies with a smiley or that other emoji depicting “rolling on the floor laughing”. There must have been a time when they had a lot of fun at my expense in this paper’s newsroom, joking about my eccentric habit. By now, I think they got used to my articles being precisely 1,800 words long.
You see, you rarely hit it right when you first draft an article: the writing usually runs over, by 100-200 words. A process of pruning is obviously required. And believe you me, removing 200 words isn’t easy. It takes time and plenty of re-drafting. The worst part is that it involves identifying “unnecessary” adjectives and setting them free. Even ideas sometimes. It’s not easy because at times finding what you consider as the right adjective is energy-consuming, sometimes you love an idea. But a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. Sort of. Anyway, the time needed for this bloodshed – I mean, for the editing process! – is sometimes as long as it takes you to write an article from scratch.
I read somewhere that Jane Austen’s prose owes much to her editor’s interventions that shortened considerably her prolix prose.
You might have watched that sketch on YouTube in which Hugh Laurie plays Shakespeare having a heated discussion with his impresario (Rowan Atkinson) who’s editing his manuscript. The negotiations going on between author and editor are hilarious, and enlightening.
Sometimes, I try to follow Scott Fitzgerald’s advice: “Use verbs, not adjectives, to keep your sentences moving. All fine prose is based on the verbs carrying the sentences.” Easier said than done. Sometimes, I try to apply Hemingway’s iceberg theory: you omit things but the reader still has a feeling of them as though you’ve stated them. That’s even more difficult. But I try. Sometimes, I simply leave things out because I run out of space. That usually happens if I start writing the article when it’s already very late, and my planning would be rushed and, thus, shoddy.
When I’m not under too much pressure (I do have a life beyond writing these articles), I usually start out by drafting a rough plan. My father had taught me (and a host of students of his) the age-old technique of preparing five main points and then keeping to them. I try to follow this as much as possible. If you keep the word limit in mind and apply the five-point technique, you can rein in the temptation of following a circuitous route when you write.
I apply all of these rules also to the articles I write in Maltese. Every Thursday, In-Nazzjon publishes an article of mine. They are always 700 words long, not one word less, not one word more. I did the same with the articles I used to write for il-mument. Again, you can’t imagine the satisfaction you get when you see that you’ve managed to say all you wanted to say and the final word-count is a precise, round number.
Sometimes, I throw in direct quotes without inverted commas. Once I used a verse from a poem by Keats we had studied at school without citing the source. It was for this newspaper, and thinking the construction was bad, the sub-editor meddled with the punctuation. I protested with the then-editor, who understood my point. I mean, it’s one thing having my English corrected; it’s another, correcting Keats! We had a good laugh on that occasion. But it was my fault really, as I tried to smuggle a poetic verse through the customs house of prose.
Mind you, I do this “borrowing” thing sparingly and only as a nod or homage for purposes of style; I’m not into stealing other people’s ideas. So if you’re reading this and thinking of misappropriating whole sentences from books or other sources, re-think it. That’s plagiarism, and it’s a serious intellectual offence. You’re justified to make use of others’ material when you do it as an innocent stylistic game with the reader’s complicity, so to speak. Or else, if you’re employing inter-textuality, which is wholesale “borrowing” of others’ material in the context of an intellectual dialogue with the author you’re “borrowing” from. In both cases, the act is made in the light of day not surreptitiously. I rarely resort to the latter, but I do make use of the former, particularly when I’m in a good mood.
When I’m in some other mood, I feel like verbal pugilism, and then it’s my own stuff. When you want to make an assertive point, you can’t afford having the reader doubt whether you really mean it or simply fooling around.
That’s, in a nutshell, my approach to writing. I’ve said it in 1,200 words. Not one word less, not one word more.
(Being the holiday season, the next part will be a bit longer; it will be 1,000 words.)
Death in Sicily
An Inspector Søren Farrugia story
The summer heat was overwhelming; had it been cholera, it would have wiped people out.
But that wasn’t the heat Inspector Søren Farrugia wanted to escape from. A short holiday in Sicily was his way of getting some respite from the heat of not putting heat on “persons of interest”. It was getting too much to bear. Circumstances pointed at the rot, yet certain quarters poured cold water on promising initiatives.
Inspector Farrugia landed at Fontanarossa, the airport that serves the filthy, thriving metropolis of Catania that lies at the foot of Mount Etna, and rented a car. He planned to drive down along the coast of eastern Sicily, until he got to Pachino, the village that grew out of the migration of some thirty-something Gozitan families in the 1750s.
Along the way, Farrugia stopped at seaside towns to relish the views and, more importantly, the cuisine. Nobody cooks like the Sicilians.
* * * * *
The inspector was savouring fish in a restaurant overlooking a marina brimming with yachts that cost at least as much as any civil servant earns during their entire working lifetime, when something caught his eye. At first he wasn’t sure, then upon looking harder he recognised the family... the husband who still had the bodybuilder gait of his younger years, the beautiful wife, and the daughter who was running about shouting “Daddy! Daddy!” to draw his attention to her. Well, everybody had the right to rest. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Farrugia kept eating the fish and sipping the wine while his Danish-blue eyes followed the happy trio as they meandered along the quay where the yachts ride at anchor. The three of them wore T-shirts, shorts, and flip-flops, their heads covered with brightly-coloured caps and their eyes shielded from the fierce sunrays by trendy sunglasses. Farrugia enjoyed the fish and the wine; much less the spectacle, as he was sure that any moment now some hidden amateur paparazzi would shoot pictures to have them splashed all over the tabloids. Politics gives no quarter, even when it’s family time.
Then a shot was heard in the distance: a real shot.
Farrugia stopped dead in his tracks, the fork in mid-air. Three men materialised out of nowhere, like ghosts, encircling the family and pointing pistols in different directions. Another shot was heard, again in the distance, and the three men spirited the family away.
* * * * *
More shots were heard, pandemonium ensued. The family and the three agents were nowhere to be seen. Farrugia came to after the momentary shock and realised that the restaurant was suddenly empty: patrons, waiters, and other staff members had legged it. He rose and exited the building slowly and cautiously, heading toward his car parked not too far off. Wailing sirens and the roar of approaching cars filled the air: the Polizia di Stato were on their way. People were desperately trying to find shelter anywhere they could, in shops or elsewhere. Farrugia stopped at the corner of a street and waited for the disorder to subside.
A few moments later, a flurry of shots erupted, again in the distance, inducing Farrugia to conclude that whoever had fired the first shots was now exchanging fire with the State Police. An ambulance whizzed by. Somebody must have been shot dead.
Then, silence.
* * * * *
Inspector Farrugia went back to the restaurant. It was still deserted. He walked to his table, sat down and calmly finished his meal amid the emptiness overlooking the yacht marina. One by one, the staff returned, warily. The inspector paid his bill, and left.
He got to the rented car and sped out of town. It was a red Alfa Romeo. The inspector loved the aggressive, throaty roar of Alfa engines but, more crucially, he always thought of Alfas as naughty ladies: not marriage material, but, man, if you know how to treat them, they know how to treat you. When you speed an Alfa along the highway, there’s a moment when her true nature kicks in and she transports you to another dimension. Nothing beats being behind the wheel of an Alfa. Not even Sicilian cuisine.
* * * * *
The days rolled by – the holiday was over before you could say “knife”. Inspector Farrugia found himself back again behind his desk reviewing files, receiving calls, interviewing “persons of interest”, and wondering why he’s not like the cops in the movies.
Then somebody from HR at HQ called, informing him his boss wanted to talk to him. Nothing urgent, no rush, but within the hour would be greatly appreciated. So Inspector Farrugia got into his nondescript squad car and drove to his boss’ office.
“Søren, Søren, here we go again…” Those words left his boss’ lips marinated more in sorrow than in anger.
“Sir?”
“Why on earth did you go to Sicily?”
“Sir?”
“Were you following him?”
“Sir…?!”
“Søren, no more of this nonsense! Please! I received a call from them guys yesterday evening…”
“Sir?”
“Yeah, you know whom I’m talking about!”
“Sir…?”
“Anyway, they saw you peeping from the restaurant, pretending to be eating fish and drinking wine!”
“I was eating fish and drinking wine, Sir…”
“Yeah, sure you were.”
“Sir…!”
“All of Malta knows that he goes there!”
“It was a coincidence, Sir.”
“Now you listen carefully: no more such coincidences from now onwards! Understood?”
“Sir…”
“Anyway, luckily it was a minor Mafia scuffle, and he was not the target.”
“That was immediately clear, Sir.”
“Hmm. Ah, out of curiosity, did you take some chick with you on your ‘holiday’?” The boss couldn’t help the air quotes.
“Sir?”
“Ah, Søren, Søren, why don’t you take my secretary out for dinner, eh?” and he delivered the usual sermon on finding a wife, settling down, and the myriad benefits ensuing from such an arrangement. “One day, Søren, you’ll find out how right I am.”