Whether you're on the receiving end of someone else's anger, or it's your blood which appears to be boiling, anger is rarely seen as anything but negative. Anger, however, is a natural human emotion in response to experiences which hurt or frustrate us and can be an important indicator that something in our life is off-balance and needs to change. Whilst anger can lead to positive action if channelled in a healthy way, it can also be very destructive if left unmanaged. In light of this, I wish to share with you some tips for understanding and managing your anger:

Learn to recognise the warning signs

Have you ever been blissfully unaware of feeling angry, only to suddenly fly into a rage at the slightest provocation? To avoid sudden bursts of anger, it's important to slowly learn to be in touch with how you're feeling. One way to do this is to, every so often, pay attention to your body. Are your shoulders raised, your fists or jaw clenched? Are your hands shaking or your heart pounding? Are you getting snappy or critical, or feeling intolerant? These are the warning signs that anger and frustration are starting to build.

Try to understand what's making you angry

There may be moments where the anger we feel is quite straightforward. For instance, your colleague borrowed your stapler once again and didn't return it. That's frustrating, right? If you're tempted to throw your colleague's desk out of the window to teach him a lesson, however, chances are there's more going on than anger about an unreturned stapler.

Take a moment to reflect on what's really going on to make you this angry. Are you under a lot of pressure at home and/or work? Did the situation which triggered you remind you of a previous experience where you felt disrespected or taken advantage of? Are personal problems causing you to feel sad, angry or scared? Such awareness can be crucial in preventing you from over-reacting to situations and behaving in ways which hurt others or get you in trouble.

Express your feelings in a safe space

When your feelings are very intense, it can be hard to gain perspective or understand what emotions or experiences underlie the anger you're feeling. Talking to someone you trust, whether a trained professional or a friend, can help you express your feelings and understand what's making you so angry. Writing down how you're feeling is also a great outlet for understanding anger as it allows you to vent safely, whilst placing all the confusing thoughts and feelings whirring around in your head into a coherent structure.

Take a pause

Reacting from a place of raw, explosive anger rarely leads to a constructive outcome. As soon as you notice you're so angry that you may start shouting or being aggressive, it's time to take a pause. If you have the option, remove yourself physically from the situation you're in. If that's not possible because you're in a meeting or driving, for instance, take some deep breaths to calm your nervous system before speaking or taking any action. I'm not suggesting brushing issues under the carpet and not addressing them. I am suggesting tackling issues when you're in a place, emotionally, where you can listen objectively to the other person and express yourself in a non-aggressive manner.

Avoid passive-aggressive displays of anger

Passive aggression is when people express negative feelings indirectly, rather than directly, in order to hurt, annoy or confuse the other person. Examples include silent treatment, missing deadlines on purpose, procrastinating, making snide comments, lateness, or delivering below-par work. This behaviour is incredibly toxic and harmful to oneself, others and relationships.

Explore possible solutions

Once you've understood what's making you angry, it's time to explore if there's anything you can do to change the situation. If your anger relates to unresolved issues with someone you care, or cared about, it may be time to confront the real issue. This may be processed in therapy, if too complex or painful, or if speaking to the person/s involved is dangerous or not possible for whatever reason.

If the anger is caused by excessive pressure or stress, is there something you can do to change your lifestyle, work or living situation?

Is it time to end an unsatisfactory or abusive relationship or friendship? Are particular boundaries needed to manage your relationships and prevent resentments building up?

Find time to relax and unwind

Managing anger is about dealing with our emotions and thoughts before they threaten to boil over. Physical exercise can be a great way to let off steam, such as running, brisk walking, etc. Explore which activities help you relax. It may be listening to music, meditating or watching a film. Engaging in such activities regularly is a way to ensure you take good care of your health and well-being, thus reducing a build-up of anger and resentment.

Remember that whilst anger can be destructive if left unchecked, it needn't be. It can also be a messenger or a teacher, informing you of what needs to change, and helping you propel yourself towards a life you want to be living.