Loss is an inevitable part of the human experience. It is a usually difficult journey that every one of us travels in our own unique way. To further understand the emotions and challenges brought up by loss, let me share a story with you that contains the essence of dealing with the many curve balls thrown at us by loss.

Processing a loss in life, including grieving, is a complex and individual journey, creating in each and everyone of us a range of emotions. These can be denial, anger and sadness, among many others. When we also take certain helpful actions, and give ourselves the required time, plus obtain the right support from our inner circle, as well as professional assistance, we can also then experience acceptance, peace and growth.

It is crucial to continue to keep in mind that everyone experiences grief and losses differently, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to healing and growth. However, integrating a variety of techniques can contribute significantly to the overall well-being of individuals navigating through loss.

 

Practical Techniques: Navigating the turbulent waves

In the face of loss, we have to trust the process. We cannot steer the ship through the windy storm by trying to control the wind. To trust is to trust in life. To trust in life means that even though we're hurting, even though it's really tough, even though the pain doesn't seem it will pass, we are always being taken care of by something bigger than us. This "something bigger than us" can be anything you feel or believe it is. Everyone has different beliefs, spiritual and philosophical views, and religions. Choose what supports you best.

To adjust the sails of life helps us to use the wind's power to its maximum. In the same way, these practical actions can help us regain some sense of direction amid the chaos. Some of the actions we can take are seeking support from loved ones, and find ways how to manage our responsibilities and routine at the time (as best as we can at least).

Now keep in mind that the timing, pacing and sequence of these actions, would depend on the type, seriousness and/or depth of that particular loss. So it's always best to seek support and then adapt accordingly to the situation and your own specific needs.

Thus, it is helpful to acknowledge the reality of the loss and allowing yourself the time and space to grieve. It is crucial to create a supportive environment that encourages the expression of emotions. This may involve seeking the company of friends and family, or joining support groups where individuals facing similar challenges can share their experiences.

To establish some rituals or ceremonies to honour the memory of the departed, can also be profoundly healing. Rituals may include creating a memorial space, holding an annual remembrance event or participating in activities that held significance for the lost loved one.

 

Self-Regulation: Regaining balance

The ability to regulate our emotions, thoughts and behaviours is similar to the balancing force that prevents the boat from capsizing. Mindfulness and meditation practices help us ground ourselves in the present moment, enabling us to weather the storm without becoming too overwhelmed and stuck in life, by our emotions themselves. By cultivating self-awareness and fostering a sense of calm, we can find stability in the face of life's storms.

What sometimes helps with loss is reframing our perspective. You can shift your perspective on the loss, moving from a focus on what has been taken away to recognising what was gained or learned. This might involve helping one identify and challenge negative thought patterns related with loss. For example, instead of viewing a job loss as a personal failure, you can reframe it as an opportunity for growth. While the job loss hurts, exploring new possibilities can pave the way for a more positive outlook. When one door closes, another opens.

Learning deep breathing exercises can help you to regulate your emotions. Controlled breathing can calm the nervous system, reduce anxiety and promote a sense of inner balance during times of emotional turbulence.

The Body Scan meditation, also known as Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) can help us to release physical tension associated with grief and loss. PMR involves gradually tensing and relaxing muscle groups from top-to-bottom, helping you to relax and reduce overall stress. Sounds complicated, but it isn't. Why? You know your body, so you can take 1 minute or 10 minutes to gradually focus your whole attention and relax your eyes, face, mouth, jaw, shoulders, arms, hands, fingers, legs, feet and toes.

Sometimes loss keeps us stuck in a rut. Finding some creative outlets as a means of self-regulation can be very supportive. Painting, writing or music, can serve as a powerful means for processing emotions and finding comfort.

 

Self-Care: Nurturing the soul

As the storm subsides, the sun breaks through the clouds, casting a gentle and warm glow on the group of friends. Self-care is the safe haven where tired or exhausted souls can find refuge and safety. Being self-compassionate and maintaining healthy boundaries through loss, is as important as how sailors repair their ships after a storm. Self-care allows us to nurture our emotional well-being and rebuild our inner strength.

It is important that you prioritise self-care activities tailored to your needs. This may involve engaging in activities that bring joy, relaxation and a sense of accomplishment. Regular exercise, adequate sleep and maintaining a healthy diet contribute significantly to physical and mental well-being required when navigating loss (or life in general). Additionally, maintaining a routine can provide stability in a time where the loss has shaken the very ground beneath our feet.

During loss we will meet people who either won't understand us, or be too nosy at times. Some people mean well, however they may not always recognise and respect automatically our needs and emotional limits. Explain what you need in this moment. For example, if what you need is space or silence for a while, ask for it. If you need to go out in nature, express it. If you need to just rest, then say so. Ask for their support and people usually respond. Yes, they may feel a bit worried or rejected at first, but if you set clear boundaries out of love and respect for yourself and also for them, things can work out better. Suffering in silence is never a good option. Speak up.

 

Conclusion

Having said all of the above, the processing loss can take many forms and require very unique approaches. Some of the general guidelines above may work for some, but not for others. The solution is simple: Seek proper guidance if you are stuck or overwhelmed by emotions many months or years after a particular loss. Seeking the guidance of a mental health professional is a sign of strength NOT weakness. As mentioned, psychotherapy and counseling can offer a supportive space to process difficult emotions related to loss, and help you develop coping strategies so you can move forward in your life.

The journey through loss is both inevitable and yet can be transformative. By taking action with some practical strategies such as self-regulation, emotional processing and prioritising self-care, we can navigate the waves of loss with resilience. Remember, the sun always comes up after the storm!

 

Renald Blundell is a biochemist and biotechnologist with a special interest in Natural and Alternative Medicine. He is a professor at the Faculty of Medicine and Surgery, University of Malta

 

Wayne Caruana is a warranted psychotherapist and certified Mindfulness coach specialising in stress, depression, anxiety, emotional issues and addictions