“I hope you will print this letter for the sake of humanity, which has no idea what discipline is.
Even foreign editors have no idea what discipline is. They think it is a kind of torture, sadism and that is why the world has reached a state where lots of people have no idea how to live, to drive, to walk in the street. They have become so uncontrollable that they have become corrupt as they cannot control their bad wishes.
Dr Spock, the psychologist, admitted publicly that he was mistaken when he advised parents to remove discipline.
He was partially right because in those days discipline was tyrannical. He should have advised “modifying discipline”. He had no idea what real discipline is.
My type of discipline makes real men and women, like all my descendants. My children are real people, whom others like to meet.
Lack of discipline has destroyed the world. It is destroying life and filling up our prison.
Parents over the generations have tried various ways of instilling discipline.
As requested, I am publishing Mr Ellul’s opinion on discipline, based on his own real-life experiences.
“When people hear the word ‘discipline’ they sometimes have a preconcieved idea of terrorised people subdued to obedience by some sadistic people. That is not discipline, but slave driving. That kind of discipline produces cruel people who destroy society.
“Discipline is the art of training humans, and even animals, to behave properly, and live a proper and decent life.
“I have even seen animals, both domestic and in the wild on TV, disciplining their young ones by giving them a slight punishment.
“I have lived with animals since my youth, and have trained six cats not to eat fish from a plate, yet devour it when out of a plate. These cats were our pets and they loved us a lot.
“In the same manner, one can discipline humans without tyranny and fear.
“When still in the cradle, a baby starts crying. Crying is his way of opening his lungs. One has to learn the different kinds of crying.
“If it sounds like he is hurt, lift him to see what the matter is. When the baby stops crying, put him down again in a different position – never face up for safety’s sake. Mysterious cradle deaths are caused by sleeping face up. If the baby starts crying again, let him cry. If you lift him again you’ll become his slave. He will start commanding you from the cradle.
“When a toddler starts walking and understanding some words, he will want to start turning the knobs of the cooker, TV and so on, like grown-ups, which can be very dangerous. When he starts turning knobs you have to teach him not to do it. If he doesn’t obey you, and he puts his hand on a knob, give him a slight slap on his hand. If he repeats, give him a harder slap. He may retaliate and try to slap his instructor (father, mother). If he does so, give him a strong slap on his hand that hurts. He will start crying. Tell him not to cry or he will get more slaps, then he will stop crying. The child has been ‘broken’ like a horse and will not need to be hit any more. He will get used to looking at you when trying to do something to ask for your approval.
“Leave things where he can reach them, some allowed and some not allowed. When he tries to touch what is not allowed, tell him ‘no’, ‘le’, and when he touches the permitted things, smile at him, which means OK. The child is disciplined for life and he’ll love you for it.
“If you don’t do this when he is young you will never break him, he will break you, and it will be all your fault.
“What I have said above is no dream, it is my life. I am an ex-teacher, 84 years old, a disciplinarian, father of seven kids, five boys and two girls, 12 grandsons and a great-grandson. My sons disciplined their sons like me, and they all adore me.
“In school the pupils loved me and enjoyed my punishments which were light, except for bullies. Those I disciplined most, loved me the most, because I made men out of nothing and they loved me for it. No disciplined child touches drugs.
“When he starts walking and running and stumbles and falls, look what has happened. If nothing is wrong, look the other way, let him cry, don’t lift him, let him solve his problem and stand up. He will be solving his first problem in a life which is going to be full of them.
“If you keep solving his problems when he grows up he will just resort to drugs to forget his problems. It’s your fault.”
I wish that Mr Ellul had read my article with more compassion. Had he done so he might have understood that I am not advocating ‘no’ discipline, I am advocating ‘self’-discipline through compassionate teaching.
The most common method of imposing discipline is to tell others what to do and take action by using fear as a tool to make people comply with our demands and punishment when they don’t. There are several problems with this system.
The first is deciding on who sets the rules and what the punishment will be if they are broken. Mr Ellul advocates smacking a child until he or she learns his rules. How hard should the smack be? At what point is the smack harmful? What happens if someone more powerful than Mr Ellul doesn’t like the rules he sets and wants to set harder ones with death as the punishment for breaking his rules? Isn’t this how people like Adolf Hitler and Saddam Hussein come to power?
The second is that while we may be able to control other people’s external behaviour using threats and punishment, we cannot control internal attitudes. Ultimately, the only thing we can truly control is ourselves. Feelings of resentment, lack of self-esteem and loss of autonomy provide a perfect breeding ground for conflict, depression and other individual and community disorders which result in disharmony.
The third is that this system requires perfection and allows no place for mistakes or error. Since no person or living thing on the universe is perfect, the seeking of perfection will mean swimming against the tide of nature which is in itself a place of conflict.
Teaching children in a compassionate and non-violent way to be responsible for their actions and behaviour, and showing them how to learn from their mistakes will help them to give compassionately without fear or resentment and therefore contribute to society from their own free will. This system requires compassion, patience and a willingness to respect the feelings of others even if they are smaller than us.
I agree with Mr Ellul that lack of discipline produces chaos. His beliefs stem from a popular misconception that nothing lies between enforced discipline and total corruption. I put it to Mr Ellul that an open mind, a willingness to learn new ideas and a heart full of compassion will demonstrate that there are other ways to create healthy societies. Of course, mistakes will be made, no system is perfect because no person is perfect.
Mr Ellul does seem to have taken particular issue with drug addiction. I wonder in what way this sad problem has touched his life? And I would be interested to see convincing evidence and research which proves whether the drug addicts he so easily condemns are a product of a lack of discipline or a reaction to enforced discipline.
It may also be a timely reminder that the discipline he inherited from 100 years ago came from a time when women did not have the vote, the death penalty was in force and anyone who behaved in a way which the authorities did not like was usually confined to a mental institution. Although change from this system is a slow, painful process, I am very pleased that change is beginning to take place and I am glad to be part of the transition. I wish Mr Ellul could be part of that. Of course, how he contributes to society is his free choice and I respect his right to have his opinion. I wish he would respect mine.