In these days of fast food, bistros and casual dining, it is not that often that people actually attend formal dinners. However, on those rare occasions when you are at a formal event, it helps to understand how such a table is laid, so that it does not seem so daunting. With a few basic guidelines, you can demystify the confusing tangle of platters, spoons, forks, knives, plates and glasses that gives formal dining preparation such a formidable reputation

A place for everything

The basic rules of formal table setting etiquette are rooted in two tradition-bound concepts: first, cutlery is laid out in order of food presentation, so guests shouldn’t have to guess which fork or spoon is appropriate to the course before them; and second, most diners are right-handed.

All this stems from the 19th century when there was a logic and rhythm to formal dining and its accompanying table settings. Soup spoons were placed to the far right of the main attraction - the plate -because soups (usually two soup courses!) were served first. Knives were placed next to the plate at right, because the right-handed diner carves his food with his right hand, sets his knife down and then picks up his fork with his other hand: hence, forks to the left.

Forks (except fish forks) are lined up on the left and knives and spoons line up on the right. Tiny fish forks always line up with the spoons. Knives are placed with their blade-sides facing in for safety’s sake.

Dessert cutlery is located in front of the plate, between the plate and the glasses. If you don’t find any cutlery, it will probably come with the dessert.

Cutlery basics

A good basic rule to follow with cutlery is to work from the outside in: soup spoons, usually used first, are on the far right; salad forks on the far left. No more than three pieces of silver are laid out on each side of the plate at any time during the meal.

The opening act

In formal dining situations, you’ll always begin with a service plate that anchors each guest’s table setting. In a formal setting, only the service plate, glasses, linens, floral arrangements and up to six pieces of cutlery for each setting will be on your table when you arrive. The extra-large service plate is often more ornate than the serving china, and sometimes is not china at all, but a flawlessly polished silver or gold. Immediately to its right, you’ll have your dinner knife, blade-side in.

Water glasses are found directly above the dinner knife; to the right of the water glass and just below it, you will a wine glass for red wine. To the right of the sherry glass, and just above it, and completing a triangular shape, is the white wine glass.

Those odd little pieces

One little-used dish that sometimes adds confusion to formal place setting plans is the crescent-shaped bone dish. This little dish is usually presented directly to the left of the dinner plate when a fish course is presented, and removed, used or not, when the fish dinner plates are taken away. Most formal settings also include individual salts (and peppers) along with a salt spoon.

The bread plate is placed above and to the left of the service plate, just below the salt. The butter knife, blade-side in, is laid horizontally across the bread plate.

During these formal events, the staff will usually come to remove crumbs from the table between courses, using a little silver hand-held crumber. The guests’ napkins or linens are always placed to the far left of the table setting.

Why the Rule of Threes?

In the more rigid days of our ancestors, a formal meal was extraordinarily lush and complex - literally hours of soups, salads, alternating entrees of fishes and meats interspersed with flavoured ices, followed by cheeses, and hot and cold sweets and fruits.

Each course was punctuated with a glass of a complementary wine; the event consummated by separating the sexes for a serving of brandy, liqueurs and finally, coffee or demi-tasse. There was a very good reason not to deviate from the inflexible dictates of tradition: well-trained servants knew the order of meal progression and therefore learned quickly what silverware and china would be required for each course.

In traditional formal dining, it simply wasn’t practical to load up the table with all the requisite utensils, plates, bowls and glasses the guests needed to navigate such a large meal. So the traditional formal table was set with only enough silverware for the first few courses, up to six pieces, with no more than three pieces on each side. That’s a formal table-setting rule still followed today.

Although the quantity of food served and the number of meal courses required for formal dining have diminished, the order of progression remains roughly the same today: soup, salad, entree and dessert.

It is also important to realise that the more courses there are, the daintier the portions, so do not be taken aback when presented with a small portion – this is normal practice in formal dining and what is known as haute cuisine.

Napkin Niceties

The napkin should go on your lap once everyone has been seated. If it is a large napkin, fold it in half. If you leave the table briefly mid-meal, the napkin is placed on your chair. At the end of the meal, put your napkin to the left of your plate.

Which cutlery is mine?

Confused about which item is yours? Here’s an easy way to remember: The word “left has four letters, so does the word “fork.” The word “right” has five letters, so do the words “knife” and “spoon.” This is a great way to remember that the fork is on your left, and the knife and spoon are set to your right. Always hold your silverware toward the handle, away from the tines, blade or bowl of the spoon.

If you are eating American style (switching the fork to your right hand after cutting), cut two to three pieces at a time. If you are eating Continental style (keeping the fork in your left hand), cut one piece at a time. Put your silverware on the plate while chewing, not on the table, and never wave it in your hand.

Bread plate basics

Many people make the mistake to looking at what they thought was their bread plate, only to find their neighbour using it. Here’s the rule: Eat to your left, drink to your right. Any food dish to the left is yours, and any glass to the right is yours. If your neighbour has accidentally used your bread plate, don’t embarrass him or her. Quietly ask the waiter for another.

Do’s and don’ts with serving staff

Do

• Treat your server with respect -- address the person by name if requested, otherwise use “waiter,” “waitress,” “sir” or “miss.”

• Pay attention to what your waiter or waitress looks like so you can recognise him or her later.

• Catch his or her eye or use a discreet wave of the fingers to request service.

Don’t

• Call someone “honey,” “sweetie,” “dear,” or “boy.”

• Snap your fingers to get his or her attention.

10 basic points to remember about proper dining etiquette

1Don’t clean your plate. It’s okay to leave the parsley, carrot curls or other garnish.

2Don’t salt and pepper your food before tasting it.

3Don’t turn your wineglass upside down if you do not want wine. Either say “no thank you,” shake your head or put your fingertips over the rim of the glass.

4Never cut bread or rolls. Break off and butter one piece at a time.

5When in doubt, use a utensil rather than your fingers even with foods you eat by hand at home. Cut French fries, bacon and any food with a bone - even chicken.

6Use the edge of the plate to twirl pasta, not a spoon.

7If you spill coffee or tea into your saucer, ask for another saucer. Do not dunk. Do not blow on your beverage to cool it.

8Tuck paper trash - empty sugar packs, plastic cup from creamer, wrapper for the straw under the rim of your plate or on the edge of the saucer or butter plate.

9Don’t ask for a “doggy bag.”

10If you are not sure how to eat something that comes with what you’ve ordered, leave it or watch to see how others eat it and imitate them.