Mama Sufia Kerapestska is the dame in this year’s Panto. She was asked to react to various quotes and questions related to news stories from 2015 and she did not disappoint.

 

So Mama Sufia, what do you think about the age of consent going down to 6?

That’s not very good. I don’t like it very much! Age of consent 16! Why? To drink?

To drink … For everything?

No, listen. I have my Ample Chest, it is a guest house for many men, but I don’t think I would like to have young children over there drinking, OK? Now, if they come accompanied by the parents I don’t mind because I like to see the fathers very much. I have room for the fathers upstairs, you know? While the children will be downstairs with the mothers. But children alone, age 16, I do not accept. I don’t like it. No no no no no!

What about someone saying “Norgazma” in Parliament?

Ooooo yes I understand it very much. I’ve been 18 years living in Malta, you know? Many of those men doing that thing on me. Yes, many times. I give pleasure. Was this said in parliament?

Yes.

Really? Ooo who is the man who said it?

That’s not important.

But I like it! Yes, I understand but what was the question then?

I was asking for your reaction.

Oh, my reaction? I think that they must use these words in parliament. I like them very much, they’re very flowery. They make parliament more interesting.

In reaction to the new university, someone said they are “ABZ mill-ODZ”.

I understand that very much, yes, very much. Listen for someone to say ABZ of ODZ … My Ample Chest was also built like that. You know? You know, my Ample Chest where I have my guest house. I repeat, my guest house, yes. ODZ for me is very important, but ABZ is more important no? Because Malta is full of all these lovely buildings which were built outside of the ODZ and everyone very ABZ and I like it very much. That’s how it should be always.

Always ODZ?

Yes, always ODZ and always ABZ. Definitely.

If someone had to tell you “Nigi ghalik u nifqghek”, what would your reaction be?

You know they say this to me in this panto? Do you know? Yes, they do. They say it in this panto, yes, very much. I will love that to happen every time. Yes. Depends where though, OK ? I’m very sensible where they make the ‘ifqa’ thing. Very sensible.

What if someone had to tell you “ghandek mohh ta’ pizella”?

Mohh ta’ pizella? You mean the pea, the little pea? That won’t be very nice because I admire myself as a business woman. I am not a mohh ta’ pizella. I came here 18 years ago, I built empire, OK? And mohh ta’ pizella is not me. If someone says that to me, I will catch his pizellis and I will eat them for breakfast!

Who is Malta’s sexiest politician? Why?

The sexiest politician?

And why?

I think it’s Edward Zammit Lewis. Yes, I like him very much because he always wears the nice suits, OK?; he’s always very polite in the word he says; he helps the people, yes, very much; and he’s very nice face. Very nice face. He put on tummy, but is OK. I can make his tummy go very much with lots of bouncing.

Do you have a message for him, perhaps?

Give him a message? What kind? I mean … Oh yes, I have a message for him. Edward, whenever you want to come to my Ample Chest, you are very welcome, OK? Always space for you on my Ample Chest.

Being Russian, do you think that the country would have been run better by Vladimir Putin?

Vladimir Putin? That was the reason why I left Russia, excuse me. I don’t think it will be very good idea. I think I like it the way it is, you know? With a change here and there, you know? I think it should remain as it is. With a slight change maybe in a couple of years, we will see.

What do you think about the new Coast Road?

The new Coast Road? Dangerous as it was before! I’m very sorry, I don’t like it. No no, I was driving over there with my driver and we had a crash in the new part. So it did not work. Either bring it back like it was or just close it forever. I don’t like it very much, no. Not good idea.

Is traffic a problem here?

It’s horrendous! HORRENDOUS! I don’t know how people drive here! In fact, I tried to ride my bicycle, but the seat fell off. I find it much better though like this. It gives me more pleasure. I will use bicycle every day now. I get to work with lots of laugh and smile on my face.

When the Queen was here, there was a lot of fashion going around, and you’re clearly a very fashion-conscious woman. Were there any dresses, or any kind of fashion sense that particularly hit you?

You little Silly Billy try to make something eh? Listen, I spoke to my friend Marie Louise many times, OK? Before she actually wore that dress, but she did not listen to me, OK? And I told her, “Listen, Marie Louise, either remove the dress, or you’re going to be very funny.” And she said, “Listen, Mama Sufia, I’m going to wear this dress anyway.” And she did and then whatever happened, happened, OK? Now next time, I’m going to be fashion consultant to her, officially. OK? As from next time the Queen co- Oh the next time the Queen will never come again I think because she is like 120. Is she? Is she 120? I think very close.

Do you have children?

Yes, I have one son. Jim. Yes, very handsome man. He’s 18 years old.

Now, if you had to have more children, what do you think about these names: Dimentia?

Dimentia? I always forget that name. I will always forget it, no. Not very nice.

Chlamydia?

Chlamydia! I got a friend of mine with that name. She wasn’t very popular, I think. Everyone used to ignore her. I would not … I won’t call my daughter Chlamydia no.

Cleavage?

That’s the best name for woman! My second name will be Cleavage, but my mother does not give this name so Mama Sufia Kerapestska. Otherwise, Cleavage would be fantastic name, I love it.

OK, thank you very much.

Oh, this finish? Oh, that was lovely. Thank you very much, it was lovely having you all here.

Mama Sufia Kerapestka is Jean Pierre Busuttil’s fourth Dame and Treasure Island is his eleventh Panto,  written and directed by his old friend Malcolm Galea. Mr Galea’s extensive cast includes Katherine Brown, Joseph Zammit, Steffi Thake, Michael Mangion, Joe Depasquale, Tina Rizzo and Rambert Attard.

On the other side, the villain this year is Alan Montanaro as the mischievous rogue, Long John Swagger. When asked why he isn’t playing Dame this year, as all the panto enthusiasts in Malta expect every year, he commented that he wanted to give the dame a break this year because of the opportunity to play Long John Swagger, who is an off-shoot of Long John Silver, who “is one of the most suave, notorious baddies in literature.” He added that he should be back as the dame next year, finishing by saying that Jean Pierre will do a great job as dame this year.

There is also lively music and songs from Maestro Paul Abela and Roger Tirazona; choreography by Alison White; scenery by Claudio Apap and large projection screens “transforming MFCC into a world of magic and make believe”.

DATES: 19 December 2015 - 03 January 2016 at MFCC Ta’ Qali

BOOKING NOW OPEN Seats from €10

ONLINE: www.madc.com.mt

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