Over the years, I've met countless clients who have struggled with intrusive thoughts, often feeling scared and disturbed by their intensity, and by what such thoughts may say about them. It's important to know, however, that intrusive thoughts are incredibly common, affecting 6 million Americans, according to estimates from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America.

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts, images, feelings or urges that appear suddenly and often repetitively, and are often distressing and/or disturbing in nature. They may involve urges to hurt someone, questioning if you love your partner or family, worrying about your sexual identity, thoughts of violence or sexual acting out, fears about having socially or morally unacceptable thoughts. For instance, someone may have repetitive thoughts about harming themselves, question their religious beliefs or have a sudden urge to be violent towards a stranger.

To determine whether what you're experiencing are truly intrusive thoughts, consider whether your thoughts meet the following criteria:

• The thoughts are disturbing;
• They feel hard to control; and
• Such thoughts are unusual for you, often going against your beliefs or values. For instance, someone who loves animals may have repetitive thoughts about harming an animal. Or, someone who deeply loves and values their family may have repetitive thoughts about leaving them.

What causes intrusive thoughts?

While the exact cause of intrusive thoughts isn't clear, it's believed that they're caused by a combination of biological, psychological and environmental factors. Intrusive thoughts are common in those diagnosed with mental health conditions such as OCD or PTSD but may impact anyone going through periods of acute stress or anxiety, prolonged lack of sleep, hormonal changes and life transitions (for example, having a baby).

It's important to remember that intrusive thoughts do not reflect one's true nature or intentions, and actually go against one's character, beliefs, or true desires.

How to deal with intrusive thoughts

Trying to resist the intrusive thoughts can sometimes make it return more strongly, creating a cycle of fear, monitoring, and rumination. Instead, try the below:

• Identify the thought Simply naming a thought as intrusive can be quite powerful.
• Accept the thought Rather than resisting the thought, arguing with it or trying to prove you don't really feel that way, simply accept that it's there.
• Reduce reassurance-seeking Repeated checking, confessing, or asking others for certainty may bring short-term relief but can keep the cycle going.
• Practise self-compassion Rather than judging yourself for having such thoughts, be kind and patient with yourself.
• Return to the present Focus your attention on a simple task, breathing, movement, or the environment around you.
• Manage your stress levels Ensuring that you get enough sleep, rest and relaxation, maintain a healthy routine, exercise, and have supportive relationships, can reduce the intensity of intrusive thinking.

While intrusive thoughts are common, it's worth considering seeking professional support if they become frequent, distressing, or if they interfere with daily life. This is particularly important if you feel driven to perform rituals, avoid ordinary situations, or constantly seek reassurance. Cognitive behavioural therapy, Mindfulness-based strategies and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy are a few evidence-based approaches that can help people change their relationship with intrusive thoughts.

Intrusive thoughts can be distressing and scary, particularly as they go against your deepest values and beliefs. However, with self-compassion, certain lifestyle changes, self-care and the right support, they can become less powerful. We cannot control every thought, so aiming to do so would prove futile. Aiming to respond to thoughts in a calmer and healthier way, however, can help reduce anxiety and stress, and ultimately soften the impact intrusive thoughts have on your wellbeing and sense of peace.

Psychotherapist Danjela Falzon works with clients on issues related to anxiety, depression, burnout, stress, relationships, sexuality, personality disorders, self-esteem and self-growth. She forms part of the team at paths Clinic. For more information, visit www.paths.care