NB: You may need a translator for this week's column

 

"Listen, it's not me you must shout with... u le! Jien, just I am Leli from Mqabba, try to make money for my "femily" is it. Ara, the newspapers try to make trouble with me ghax I put up not so much the deckchairs and umbrella fi'Kumina. Is not right eh! Ghax I got the permess from friend from me Klejtin, who say me: "H'anighdlekk Leli, dejjem your famiglia vote from me, so he help to me make a bit the moneys is it eh.

Now they bring it on the newspapers, fuq it'Tivee u' Internets how must we go from Kumina and leave it so as nobody... nobody ta, can make nothing the moneys from it. It's not fair eh!

Look, we got the right to make it hafna deckchairs and there's not place for other peoples to walk near them... ghax Kemuna she is not too big eh. Imma if they want to stay near us... they pay moneys for the lounger and umbrella eh! It's natural ux.

U le! Dejjem the nazzjonalisti want to make trouble from us... say us we is 'rooninging' a beautiful place. But it's not true but. By make them the loungers and umbrellas we make it much more beautiful and make it bit the money for us eh. This Malta ta. And I want make moneys today... mhux tomorrow. Ghax I might get runned over by a truck tomorrow... and you don't make it the moneys when you gone dead eh!

Jien I am businessman jien and supposed I must make business eh! Many years ago nobody gone stay fil Kemuna... nobody ta! Today, ghax me and my hbiebi make it much more beautiful, so many peoples come there. All they must do is buy it the lounger and the umbrella, then they can make nice time for all day is it. Even they can spend little bit more and buy from my brother's key-osk 'Jaysin's Eats' the 'hemburger' u chips kemm trid.

Imma don't worry ta, soon me and my friend Giuseppe P is gonna take off all from the loungers and build an 11-storey, 270 room hotel there floku. Azgur; rock blasting at Blue Lagoon start on Monday.

So me I say to thems peoples what shout with us from make it a bit the moneys from Kemuna: ' You don't know nothing! So go from here and leave us in peace, so as not to shout with us... u daqsekk."

Leli Borg Buttigieg, Gra-lel House, Mqabba

 

 

I see my football team, Juventus are not expected to run away with the Scudetto again this year, so is it time to dump coach Massimiliano Allegri and bring in say... Pep Guardiola... or not? Allegri has a shelf life of around 18 months with most of the teams he has coached, so I reckon he's on borrowed time at the Allianz Stadium. So it's probably time for Allegri to move on, but who should take his place? Look no further than Gian Piero Gasperini, who has done a phenomenal job at Atalanta. This, plus the fact that it would only be a short hop across from Bergamo to Turin makes him the ideal replacement.

It's OK, no need to thank me for sorting that one out for you... all part of the service.