Imagine two people, that bought the same table. One person, let's call him Peter, he bought the table ready-made, so for him, he just paid for it, it got delivered to his house and he just directed the workers as to where he wanted it placed. So, it was a two-minute job and it was done. Now imagine the second person, John, he bought a table that was much cheaper, but it was flat packed. He had to carry it home, read the instructions to assemble it, needed to get some tools and after eight hours this table was ready.

Although the price of John's table was cheaper, the time and effort he took in order to do it increased its value and it became more precious to him. So, Peter can easily replace and get a new table while John will think it twice over since he got an affinity towards his table due to the effort, dedication and work he put in it. So, the materialistic cost of the table does not matter since it increased in value for him.

The same thing happens in our life and in our relationships. Imagine Peter meets a new person called Mary. They start texting and flirting, they meet up for a couple of times and they had fun without any commitments. After a few weeks, this short relationship finishes and both go their separate way. Nobody gets hurt.

One the other hand, imagine John who meets a new person called Jane and they start texting and it takes some time to meet because Jane is busy with work and her children. She is also passing through a hard time with a separation, financial problems and she is still bitter and hurt with her ex-husband. Yet she is still writing to him as she still loves him but he has someone else. John understands Jane's situation and is dedicating time and making effort to help her and make her happy. So, John is devoting time to help and this is making him get attached to Jane and to their relationship. Jane starts trusting John and telling him about her past problems, problems with the children and her family, that she was abused when she was younger, so John gets even more fond of her. At that point John is vulnerable too and is ready to do everything for Jane. He accepts her for whatever she passed through and wants to make her happy and solve her problems. After a few weeks, this short relationship also ends. Jane was still in love with her ex-husband and for him this was too painful. John could not eat or sleep for a couple of weeks and was crying all the time!

Similarly, to the story of the table one can notice that the value of the relationship and the table increase drastically once the person put in more effort in building it. Once you become more attached, you are also more prone to hurt.

One needs to be very careful since some people are very manipulative and thus the relationship can become abusive. They know about these facts and they use them in their favour. You should be very careful when people say half-truths and then they would justify it in order not to hurt you. Yet they still flirt and send provocative photos to you but then they make it difficult for you to meet or become close to them. These people are just putting a value on themselves in a very manipulative way. As competitive, genuine naive persons, then we want to use our "superman" powers and resources to help them, solve all their problems and make them happy. In all the stories they tell us, they were always the victim and they never did anything wrong and it is at this point that you become their victim. These kinds of people will drain all your energy as they demand to be put in centre stage and you will have to dedicate all your time to them, all the while they are stating that you are not doing enough for them. The reality is that they are flirting with the next person which can lead you to feel insecure ad jealous. You try to face them, and they dispose of you, they tell you that they need someone better next to them, a real man!

In such cases, you have to wake up from your dream and realise that the value of that table is still cheap! Sometimes, it's better to understand and accept that you trusted too much and you made a mistake and leave. You've given enough time and effort on something or somebody that they did not deserve. The more power they have on you, the more they can control you. This is not love, this is abuse and this type of relationship will never work out. A real relationship should be based on honestly, trust, value, respect and should be reciprocal.

Unfortunately, nowadays with the use (abuse) of social media, it's much easier to meet new people with ingenuine intentions. Sometimes, before you meet somebody, they would have portrayed a pompous picture which you would end up believing, for example that they are high value because they meet important people or that they are down-to-earth and honest people since they rejected their gifts or the like These people are very dangerous, because they abuse your honesty, your innocence and your sincerity for their own benefits.

So, a word of advice my dear readers, be very careful who you trust. Be very careful of the image a person projects or those that seek attention excessively, even if they are the most beautiful people in the world, even if they smile all the time; they are likely to be too good to be true and you could end up developing an attachment to them, which may ultimately lead to hurt. Believe in yourself and your abilities and learn how to cultivate self-love, self-respect and self-acceptance as your foremost priorities.

Renald Blundell is a biochemist and biotechnologist with a special interest in Natural and Alternative Medicine. He is a professor at the Faculty of Medicine and Surgery, University of Malta