In December 2023, Murray, a 16-year-old from Scotland, left his parents watching TV downstairs a happy boy, only to take his own life a few hours later in his bedroom. Described by his parents as a normal, happy teenager with many friends, on the evening of 30 December, Murray was contacted by someone online pretending to be a teenage girl, asking him to send an intimate image of himself and then threatening to have it sent to all his contacts unless he transferred money to the blackmailer. Sadly, Murray chose to end his life. This, unfortunately, is just one of an increasing number of cases in which young people are taking their own lives after being shamed, bullied or abused online.

The internet can be a great tool for young people to connect online, learn and play, however it can also expose children to serious risks. According to recent research by OFCOM, a UK communications regulator, children aged eight to 17 spend an average of 2.5 hours online and almost every child in the UK aged 12 and over has a phone. Abuse can occur on social media, messaging apps, gaming sites, live-streaming sites and emails. Some of the risks children face include:

Cyberbullying - This includes sending abusive, threatening or hurtful messages, images or videos online, spreading lies, creating fake accounts and bullying people through these accounts and posting pictures or videos online to shame or embarrass someone. The Office of National Statistics in the UK (2020) found that one in five children aged 10-15 had experienced online bullying in the last 12 months.

Grooming - When someone creates a trusting, supportive relationship with a young person online to later abuse, manipulate or exploit them. This may involve an adult pretending to be younger and creating a "friendship".

Sexual abuse - This may include asking a child to view pornographic images, asking a child to send nude pictures or videos of themselves, asking a child to perform sexual acts or talking with a child about sexual acts.

Sexting - When people send sexual messages or images, including nude pictures to others. This may be consensual or young people may be coerced or tricked into doing so. These images may be shared within peer groups or used to blackmail or further exploit the child.

With an ever-increasing number of young people spending time online, it's important we ensure safeguards are in place to protect them. Here are a few things we can do:

Limit time online

The WHO (World Health Organisation) and CDC (Centres for Disease Control and Prevention) recommend no more than two hours daily screen time for children below 18 years of age, one hour maximum for children under six and very limited screen time for children under two years of age.

Keep kids in sight

This may be very difficult with teenagers, who may spend significant amounts of time in their bedrooms. With younger children, however, it's recommended that online activity occurs only in shared spaces, such as the living room and kitchen. Children are less likely to engage in harmful activity if they know someone may walk in the room and you will also be in a better position to keep them safe if you can see what they're doing online.

Parental controls

These are settings available which allow you to manage the amount of time spent online, content viewed, types of games played, online spending and who can communicate with your child, as well as allowing parents to monitor activity. These act as a safety net but are not enough on their own and need to be in place alongside other actions.

Talk to your kids about online safety

Conversations about online activity need to become as commonplace as conversations about your child's day at school, how they went at swimming or dance class, etc. Talk to them about websites or games they enjoy and show interest in these so this can be something they continue to update you on. Encourage them to talk to you or another trusted adult if they see something online which scares or troubles them. Warn them about talking to people online who they don't know or sharing their name or address with someone. What you choose to talk to them about will change depending on their age. However, ensure to keep the conversation reassuring and casual so they can see you as a reference point rather than someone they're scared of approaching if they're caught up in something harmful.

Build a trusting relationship

The most important tool for keeping children safe online is your relationship with them. If a child tells you they're being abused:

• Listen to them without interrupting;
• Let them know they've done the right thing by telling you;
• Reassure them that you're there for them;
• Don't blame or express anger towards them;
• Don't confront the alleged abuser;
• Report the abuse immediately to the respective authority; and
• Take whatever steps are needed to protect your child.

Look out for signs of abuse

A young person who is experiencing online abuse may:

• Spend a lot more or a lot less time online than usual;
• Be secretive about what they're doing online and who they're speaking to;
• Seem upset, angry or distant after spending time online;
• May appear less confident and/or avoiding socialising; and
• Asking for, or stealing, money.

Model healthy online habits

Just as you're watching your children, they are watching you. Warning them to be careful with what they post, how much they share and how much time to spend online will be ineffective if you're not modelling safe and healthy behaviours yourself. Therefore, be careful not to share too much on social media, including the type of pictures you post. Avoid criticising or judging people online or engaging in online conflicts. Model appropriate phone use by limiting your own.

As a parent or caregiver, your actions can go a long way towards keeping your child safe online, as well as helping to promote a wider culture of safe and healthy online behaviours.

Psychotherapist Danjela Falzon works with clients on issues related to anxiety, depression, burnout, stress, relationships, sexuality, personality disorders, self-esteem and self-growth. She forms part of the team at Paths Clinic. For more information visit www.paths.care