It is not very often that you find yourself under house arrest ‐ in a convent ‐ when you are supposed to be enjoying a holiday with friends in the Philippines.

Instead of being ‐excuse the pun‐ nun too pleased about the whole unfortunate turn of events, 25‐year‐old Jeremy Grech set up a humorous blog detailing how he ended up in this particular pickle.

Far from being a criminal mastermind, Mr Grech actually fell victim to a crime.

(The slum area visited by Jeremy)

His passport was stolen while he was in transit to the Philippines on 13 January. This landed him in legal limbo, under house arrest and into the hands of some very caring nuns, two of whom ‐ Sister Celia and Sister Annie ‐ are Maltese.

Mr Grech ended up at the convent after spending a day in limbo at Manila’s airport, being bounced around from one stern official to the other.

Divine intervention came about thanks to Malta’s consul to the Philippines, who managed to pull some string which allowed Mr Grech to see out his two week holiday under house arrest in the company of four nuns.

Mr Grech describes in his blog how he was taken aback by the conversation on the first day at the convent, which centred on a young boy who was born without an anus.

(A meme done by one of Jeremy's friends)

“I almost burst out laughing at the sheer surprise of hearing these words coming out of a nun’s mouth.

“The nuns were providing the boy, a scavenger, with food and education. His medical situation meant that he had to excrete from a hole in his stomach, into a bag that was strapped on to him. I suddenly felt really guilty for laughing and my heart went out to this poor guy.

“He had been prevented from receiving a proper education due to the smell that his condition created and the inevitable bullying that occurred when he was among other children. The sad part was that his problem could have been fixed while he was an infant but his mother had been unable to afford the necessary trips to the hospital, forcing him to live with this terrible affliction.

“Now the nuns had organised his operations and he was on his way to finally being rid of this lifelong affliction. 

(Jeremy with Sr Rosita)

Apart from the two Maltese nuns, Mr Grech was in the company of a young Filipino nun, Sister Rosalie and the pragmatic elderly Sister Rosita.

Far from enjoying peace and quiet, Mr Grech describes convent life as being surprisingly noisy, particularly at night.

“Some evenings there would be karaoke in the building next door and the nuns explained to me that here, one’s karaoke skills were judged not on how well they sang the tune but on how loud. At first this was quite entertaining to listen to but it got old real quick.

“The surrounding areas were also full of cocks. You've heard how they crow when the sun comes up? Wrong. They crow all night, it just gets louder at around 4 am.

“Some nights the crowing was complemented by what sounded like two small animals fighting, could have been monkeys, could have been dogs, whatever it was, it was loud and very unnerving.

“The cherry on the cake though, was the church bells — they rang just outside my window at 5.30 am…for ten minutes straight…every morning. These weren't the normal bells I was used to back at home either, these were bells that had a whole melody, seemingly plucked straight out of a horror film and it was something that I never really got used to”

Mr Grech was lucky enough to be blessed with wi‐fi, though the weak signal meant he had to venture out into the wilderness that was the convent’s courtyard.

(The spooky courtyard)

“At 3am the yard would be very much alive with the sounds of animals and people from the surrounding buildings, which made it seem like I was never actually alone outside.

“One morning Sr Annie told me about the rumour that the convent was haunted, a belief so strong among the locals, that workmen used to refuse to be left alone in the building and the nuns even had the place exorcised before moving in ten years ago.

“Sr Celia laughed off the idea that ghosts roamed the premises however Sr Annie told me with dead seriousness that she herself had seen the ghost of a man in the courtyard.

“I must confess that I spook pretty easily and that night I had a major dilemma on my mind — did my fear of the ghost outweigh my dependence on the Wi-Fi? I’d like to say I was brave but I just really wanted to check my Facebook.”

Mr Grech did manage to ‘escape’ from the convent a couple of times during his stay, and on one occasion was taken to a slum area in Manila by Sr Annie.

“When we got to the depressed area I could see that it was absolutely crawling with young children and everything about it made it seem like I had arrived on another planet. It was an attack on the senses and there’s no other way to put it…this place was disgusting.

“To move from one flimsy hut to another you've got to step over open sewers and dodge disease-ridden dogs. There isn't room to swing a cat in there and pretty soon I was feeling itchy and claustrophobic.

“Among my friends I'm usually the one that doesn't mind roughing it or getting a bit dirty however ten minutes in these slums made me feel like one of the Kardashians, holding my nose, about to scream at someone to bring me some wet wipes.”

(The title of Jeremy's blog)

The experience was a humbling one for Mr Grech, and helped put his whole ordeal into perspective.

Mr Grech’s story ultimately had a happy ending. On the 27 January, he got the call he had long been waiting for ‐ his new passport had arrived at the consul in Manila.

“Not a moment too soon either as just one day later I would have missed my flight with the boys and been forced to travel back alone a week later.

“In the last fifteen days I had gone from excited traveller to illegal immigrant to the unlikely house guest of some welcoming nuns. I didn’t have the holiday that I had planned but I did come away with a story.

“Now, my time had come to leave the convent. I cannot say that I wasn’t happy to do so, however, I was very comfortable and got on very well with the Sisters, so I consider myself lucky for ending up there.

“I was headed back home, the beaches would have to wait. All set to go, I grabbed my backpack and put on my sunglasses, taking one last look at the convent.

“You know that feeling that you’re forgetting something though?Oh yeahhh...
 my passport!”

On a more serious note, Mr Grech has set up a link through which people can send their donations to the nuns who had to put up with him for two whole weeks, which is no mean feat.

https://www.youcaring.com/the-poor-children-of-manila-515325

Jeremy’s full blog can be found here: https://medium.com/thriller-in-manila